WHY YOU SHOULD TAKE A BREAK FROM YOURSELF
Something was lost in me,
I did not know what it was,
I searched north, south, west and east,
Yet I can’t find it,
I am empty, something important is lost,
Love is gone, and away from me!
The above stanza of the poem described my exact feeling that
night I went to see some of my clan after months without communication, I was
empty, I just really didn’t know why. After seeing my people, the emptiness was
still there, so went to a bar. Of all things, going to a bar seems wrong at
that time, but I was clueless, I didn’t know what I wanted: something was lost
in me; I did not know what it was.
One of the call-girls at the bar came to meet me as a
prospective customer, staying in the bar made me one. I told her, “listen, I do
not want sex, what I need is love”. Oh yes! I discovered what was lost in me:
Love! But I was in the wrong place to seek love and I was demanding it from the
wrong person. The call-girl did not have love to offer, so she left me, I took
the next bus home; I needed to figure out what was happening to me.
Did I really need love? It seemed so, I was empty and only love
could fill the vacuum, not just sex.
I got into a long conversation with a female friend of mine,
this conversation let to write the poem which I shared early the next morning.
That poem put me in the level of every other human being, who
for the past 5 months of my life I have proven to be superior to. No doubt, I was
100% emotional, the self-acclaimed god cried for love like mere men.
After reading the poem, one of my audiences, who has set himself
aside as an antagonist, but has been shut off by my seeming uncritical nature,
found an opportunity to attack the warrior whose defenses seemed gone. He sent
me a response which was as long as the poem; he questioned my safety and also
stated my limited understanding of love. He stated that a self-acclaimed genius
like me should love differently from other men and never feel bad if I am
rejected by someone I love.
That poem reduced me from the status of a god to mere man, his
response was evident.
Questioning my understanding of love was a perfect Irony, as I was
the first person to rightfully define love in a lecture titled “The trait
called love”, I understood what love is and how it works, but I was fast
becoming the victim of my own lecture.
I ran a psychological analysis of my life and why I felt that
way, dating back to the last 5 months of my life; the exact time I made my
decision to become rich within a certain period of time.
Below is the stat:
Within the last 5 months,
I have made more money by my own efforts than I have made in
years before,
I have received more ideas on how to make money than I have in
the previous years,
I have written fewer poems and have attended fewer events than I
have done in the previous months,
I have lost more than 5 serious relationships with resourceful ladies;
I dissolved most of them because I could not create time for them, I have no
relationship with anyone, but myself alone, I have no friend; I only create
foes.
I have given fewer in this period than I have done in my entire
life, I just wanted more.
I feel more unfulfilled and miserable than I have in my entire
life.
The above stat shows my uncontrollable obsession for riches and
inability to take a break from myself.
Somehow I have managed to
remain honest in my dealings, but that was not enough, I was not fulfilled
despite I was making money. Something was lost, something that I have in abundance,
something that everybody has, something that I thought left me, but was always
with me, this thing is LOVE.
I wanted more love and was not giving any. I thought I needed
love, but I have actually left a lot of people suffering from my inability to
show them love. I remember my friend from Trinidad & Tobago telling me before
she left. “I pity your next girlfriend, she will suffer the same way I suffered,
you are always busy” this actually happened, I dissolved more than 5 relationships
within 5 months, any of these could have led to intimacy, perhaps marriage. They
all complained of the same thing: “Stephen is always busy; he does not have my
time”.
I was overly ambitious and self-centered. This often starts with
the quest to prove points to people, whether as their superior or to be
accepted by them. My case was for both reasons. I had an inordinate ambition, not
because it is bad to be rich, but because I had all wrong reasons for it. I rediscovered
myself in my conversation with my female friend when she said “even with money,
I might not like you”. That was very hurtful reality, because she was one major
reason why I wanted to be rich, I just wanted to be accepted by her, even
though it was only in my subconscious mind.
I have discovered that quest to prove points to people either as
their superior to them or to be accepted by them is one reason why some people
become addicted to drugs, nicotine, engage in cultism, money ritual, sex and
most times goes into prostitution and pornography. Focusing on yourself; what
you want alone renders you very obstinate, even though you might not notice it;
you become very inconsiderate and shows no kindness at all. All that matters is for you to get what you want.
I have been able to learn in this little while, a lesson that
might take some people years to learn: “money does not bring fulfillment! If you
think you need more money to be fulfilled, perish the thought, money only
enhances happiness after it is gotten, it does not bring fulfillment.” Grab a
vision, it will give you an ambition, putting your ambition ahead of your
vision will only leave you miserable, self-centered and you will have no life.
Most people you call celebrities don’t have lives, because they
live to prove points to people, they just want more, this leaves most of them on
the field making the money, but never becoming fulfilled. This is more reason
why they often fail in marriage, it is not about marriage; failure in marriage
only shows they don’t have life outside showbiz. Share the love you have, care
about those around you, strive never to be better than anyone, but yourself and
you will be fulfilled whether you have money or not.
Making money is not bad. Despite discovering my faults; it still
won’t stop me from becoming extremely rich, because I have checked the reason
why I need money. It is no longer about me wanting to be superior to certain
people or be accepted by them, I now
want to make money, because I have problems to solve with it, not my problems
alone, but that of others. Do the same and you will find fulfillment.
Written by Soul’e Rhymez
Poet & Public Speaker, Lagos, Nigeria.
For questions or invitation to events, call +2348163800077 or
send email to soulerhymez@gmail.com.
Please share if you think it is worth it.
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