THE ENVOLVEMENT AND DANGERS OF INTERFAITH MARRIAGES
From the abinitio, Americans enter the cultural melting pot and cross ethnic
and social barriers, the rate interfaith
marriages has increased, not because persons are less committed to their faith
traditions, but because there is a new reality in which old barriers are
breaking down.
In the western hemisphere, the issue of interfaith marriage is widely debated
among all religious traditions practical example with me (Catholic and
Assemblis of God's Church).
Many
conservative denominations believe that, "A believer marrying or intending to
marry an unbeliever is clearly going against the expressed commandment of God”
(archives). Other religious denominations view intermarriages as, "The
unity within diversity that adds a richness and beauty to marriage and to
life" (Rev. Tom Chulak).
Regardless
of one's religious denomination, a person's religion comprises the framework of
meaning and the source of his or her values. When two people marry they bring
with them their strengths and weaknesses (internal vibes), hopes and fears, and
their religious dimension that plays a significant role in their relationship, decisions
and responses to each other.
For
this reason, many issues and challenges arise within interfaith marriages that require
accommodations by each person including how the couple will deal with their religious
difference, what religion they will teach to their children, and how their
respective religious communities will respond to interfaith marriages.
No two
couples manage the adjustments that need to be made within an interfaith marriage
in the same way. This is because there is no standard or typical Christian,
Hindu, Buddhist or Muslim. Their knowledge, commitment, practice and attachment
to the respective religious traditions, and their knowledge, attitude and
affinity toward the religious tradition of their spouses are so different that
no two couples have the same experience.
There are a number of factors that influence the rate of persons marrying outside of their religion, which are pertinent to all denominations and religions. The number of qualify marriage partners who are of the same faith group is limited and therefore it is more likely for individuals to look outside of their faith group for a spouse. Increasing enrollment at colleges and universities puts more young people of different faiths away from home and into social contact.
Movement from ethnic neighborhoods into the more heterogeneous suburbs lowers barriers to interfaith dating. As secular influences gain strength and church attendance rates fall, young people are being increasingly raised in homes that have little or no religious commitment, which has been depicted to increase the rate of interfaith marriages. With the decline in attendance at Sunday-school classes or even in Catholic churches, the gradual drop in church attendance, religion is probably decreasing rapidly in significance among youth.
The children of religiously mixed marriages are more likely to have interfaith marriages themselves, so the rate will naturally incline with time. As increasing value and tolerance is given to religious diversity, people are liable to be more willing to consider a mixed-faith marriage.
All marriages and other lifetime partnerships are mixed relationships. Sometimes the two spouses are of different religions, nationalities, races, ethnic groups, economic levels, etc. The more significant differences in background that a couple has, the greater are the challenges that need to be resolved before and during marriage. Sometimes their efforts to reach a consensus can draw the couple closer together. With other couples, their differences could drive them apart.
The way
in which interfaith couples handle religious differences varies widely from
family to family and other races associated. There are no general rules that
fit all or even most interfaith couples and the degree of differences and
amount of conflict vary widely.
However, there are seven common techniques used by interfaith couples in order to resolved conflicts in a marriage. One technique is that both spouses withdraw from organized religious activity.
However, there are seven common techniques used by interfaith couples in order to resolved conflicts in a marriage. One technique is that both spouses withdraw from organized religious activity.
They might
stop attending church and avoid religious discussions within their marriage.
This
has the merit of minimizing friction over differences in religious tradition,
but it may not be maintained. Membership and activity within a faith group may
be such an integral part of one or both spouses' spirituality that they cannot
suppress it for long.
The
second approach is that one spouse converts to the religion of the other (humus
lupus homili). This has the advantage of avoiding friction due to religious
differences, but only if the conversion is sincere and accepted without
pressure.
The
third technique is that both spouses convert to a compromise religion. Here, both
spouses leave their religious tradition and settle on a new faith group.
This
could be a denomination "half-way" between their original religions.
The fourth
option is referred to as multi-faith in which both spouses affiliate with both
denominations. Each would support the
other in their religious activity. If church regulations permit, they might even join each other's church. This is not in an attempt to homogenize religious differences, but rather to honor the sacredness and uniqueness of each faith.
other in their religious activity. If church regulations permit, they might even join each other's church. This is not in an attempt to homogenize religious differences, but rather to honor the sacredness and uniqueness of each faith.
The
fifth approach is for the two spouses to merge their religious traditions, and
essentially
combine the two faith groups within their family. Although such couples are showing the type of
compromise necessary to achieve unity many conservative denominations condemn such compromises.
combine the two faith groups within their family. Although such couples are showing the type of
compromise necessary to achieve unity many conservative denominations condemn such compromises.
The
sixth technique involves each spouse, having a high level of commitment to their
faith, choosing to follow their past religious heritage without any form of
compromise.
This is
considered the least desirable approach by many couples because it reduces the
amount of time that they spend together, reduces the level of companionship in
their marriage, and poses difficulties when raising children.
The
seventh technique is based on the fact that organized religion plays a minimal
role in the lives of one or both spouses and they might feel that their commitment
to religion is so low that they would
not want to spend the time and energy needed to resolve their religious differences.
not want to spend the time and energy needed to resolve their religious differences.
For this,
religion takes a back seat in the lives of the partners, by their having little
or nothing to do with the religious communities they came from, and by not
discussing religion at home.
This is
often disrupted with the arrival of children. Even those who do not practice
their religion
oftentimes become deeply conscious of their religious identity when they start a family because they want their children to have experiences similar to their own.
oftentimes become deeply conscious of their religious identity when they start a family because they want their children to have experiences similar to their own.
The arrival of children is liable to increase the level of religious tension in the family. This dialogue between spouses may lead to a mutually acceptable arrangement, however, it may lead to fierce arguments, and even break- ups; it is crystal clear. The arrangements made for the children differ from family to family.
When a
couple has children they will have to decide in which faith the child will be
educated. Some couples educate their children in both faiths, male children in
the religion of the father, and girls in their mother's faith (or vice versa),
their first born in the father's religion, the second in the mother's faith,
etc. or they educate their children in a compromise faith.
The
idealistic approach is to expose children to both religions in the hope that
they, when old enough, will choose from among the two faiths, or to bring them
up multi-faith. Different faith groups advocate varying beliefs and practices
concerning family size, abortion, birth control, artificial insemination, diet,
food preparation, sexual abstinence, the sharing of power between the spouses,
the sharing of decision making with the children, etc. However, the religious community
offers little to no help to couples dealing with these problems related to
children and other issues that arise concerning interfaith
marriages, and if these factors are not addressed until after the couple has started their family conflict and friction could arise.
marriages, and if these factors are not addressed until after the couple has started their family conflict and friction could arise.
Although
a new human reality has begun to emerge in which old barriers are breaking down
and interfaith marriage rates have begun to increase, the attitudes of religious
communities continue to show that many inter-religious communities treat one
another as mutually exclusive or rival groups. Therefore, the regulations governing
inter-religious marriages are primarily designed to discourage and prevent such
marriages, or when they do happen, to use them as opportunities for conversion
which seen everyday lives.
All religious
communities recognize that there is a new, irreparable inter-religious reality
that is emerging in today's society, however, the attitudes and rules that govern
such marriages show little recognition of this new reality.
None of the religious traditions have any meaningful way of addressing the series of difficult issues that arise in interfaith marriages, such as: the type of marriage ceremony that should be performed, religion in the home, the public practice of their respective religions, the religious affiliation of their children, religious education of the children, festivals to be celebrated, rites to be observed, etc.
None of the religious traditions have any meaningful way of addressing the series of difficult issues that arise in interfaith marriages, such as: the type of marriage ceremony that should be performed, religion in the home, the public practice of their respective religions, the religious affiliation of their children, religious education of the children, festivals to be celebrated, rites to be observed, etc.
No Christian
religions except Catholic for now who have planned 3 months marriage course for
the intending couples before marriage and also provide pastoral help after
marriage. In Buddhism and
Hinduism there isn't even a concept of an organized pastoral accompaniment. In Christianity, where this concept is an important component of the ministry, the help received is based entirely on the minister or priest involved.
Hinduism there isn't even a concept of an organized pastoral accompaniment. In Christianity, where this concept is an important component of the ministry, the help received is based entirely on the minister or priest involved.
Because
of this, many a times difficult for couples to find any sustained help from the
church or the church community. According to Wesley Ariarajah, there are three
reasons for the seclusion of interfaith couples from their respective religious
communities. First; especially within the Christian and Islamic traditions,
when a person decides to marry a Buddhist or a Hindu there is a sense of
betrayal among the members of the community involved. It is interpreted that
the person wants to leave the religious community, even though this may not be
the case. The second reason is attributed
to the behavior of the couple.
to the behavior of the couple.
Having
possibly faced initial resistance from parents and relatives, and obstinacy
from their religious
community, couples may lose all confidence in these sources of support and no longer seek their advice and guidance, even when their marriage is in trouble. The third reason is that spiritual leaders, especially Christian clergy, oftentimes are reluctant to maintain contact with the respective partner in an interfaith marriage because they are concerned about being accused interference.
community, couples may lose all confidence in these sources of support and no longer seek their advice and guidance, even when their marriage is in trouble. The third reason is that spiritual leaders, especially Christian clergy, oftentimes are reluctant to maintain contact with the respective partner in an interfaith marriage because they are concerned about being accused interference.
There
are a variety of issues and challenges that result from interfaith marriages
including children, religious education, practice of religion at home, and
dealing with resistance from religious communities. These are unsolvable problems
only if they are not addressed or discussed. Many who marry across faith traditions
have enough ingenuity, trust and love to resolve the problems that arise.
Many
couples show a healthy respect for each other's faith and support each other in
their practice of it. Some couples also manage to relate to each other's
religious communities. Some make decisions in advance about how they will bring
up their children, so that the arrival of children does not cause a crisis for
the family.
There
are even occasions where couples enter into a deeper dialogue about their
respective religious traditions and learn more about each other's faith
backgrounds practical example is my elder brother who married non Catholic as
his wife.
According
to James Pike, "An initial diversity of religious faith, which may at the
outset present more difficulty than a more homogeneous situation, has at least
the advantage of bringing the matter of religion in the marriage to the fore,
with the result that if a solution is found the marriage is usually better grounded
religiously than that where the couple has not been forced to take so seriously
the spiritual aspect of their union”.
There
are evolvement and dangers involved with interfaith marriages. There is a need
for a high degree of patience, understanding, and skill in dealing with each
other, the children, and religious community
where two distinct religious affiliations are involved. However, if the adjustments are made honestly and in love, with a determination to solve them, then the marriage will most likely succeed or eulogized in its domain.
where two distinct religious affiliations are involved. However, if the adjustments are made honestly and in love, with a determination to solve them, then the marriage will most likely succeed or eulogized in its domain.
Written and Delivered by:
Mr. Ogbonna Joseph aka
"wise jose"
Mr. Ogbonna Joseph aka
"wise jose" is a native of Umuahia, South-east part of Nigeria. He
graduated from Imo state polytechnic Nekede.
He is currently working as a
clerk based in Lagos, he is an entrepreneur, loves to teach and inspire others.
For a lecture like this or public speaking engagements, you can contact Wise Josh on +234 811 783 8492.
For a lecture like this or public speaking engagements, you can contact Wise Josh on +234 811 783 8492.
Editor:
Soul’e Rhymez
Moderator:
Mbah Maureen Chizoba
Correspondents:
Mahmud Sufiyan
Mbah Maureen Chizoba
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