THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN LOVE AND LUST

For some time now, a lot of people have tried to divorce lust from love.

In religion, lust is simply sexual want, thus anyone that wants sex or demands for it, especially before or outside marriage is considered lustful. Some dictionaries also define it as such, while some of them are quite close to the meaning. This misconception is most times due to inability to define love. If love can’t be defined, it is hard to fully define lust, because love actually precedes lust. To decipher the differences between both of them, we have to define them rightly.

What is love?

According to Soul’e Rhymez in an essay titled “The Trait Called Love”, love is defined as: God’s trait in human beings, which inspired their caving to nurture and preserve their lives. This seem the most accurate definition of love, other definitions are not encompassing. Take note of the word “craving” and “nurture”.

What is lust?

According to Oxford dictionary, lust is an emotion or feeling of intense desire in the body. The lust can take any form such as the lust for sex, lust for expensive objects (extravagance) or the lust for power. It can take such mundane forms as the lust for food as distinct from the need for food.

Lust is a psychological force producing intense wanting for an object, or circumstance fulfilling the emotion.

Though the dictionary makers could not get the meaning of love, they got so close to that of lust. Lust is not limited to sexual feeling, in my own words: lust is insatiable crave for someone or something.

What is the connection?

I said in the beginning that love precedes lust, now let me explain.

Since love is a trait that makes us to nurture and preserve our lives, it becomes lust, when we want something so desperately and uncontrollably in order to do so.

Let me relate a story, which I once related in a lecture I delivered sometime ago.  

When I was a teenager, our pastor often talked about a young lady that got into university at 18 and I was fascinated, he so much praised this girl's intelligence that I couldn't wait to see her and being not too dull too, I felt we will make a great couple, at the end of a semester, she showed up and finally, I felt I had met my dreamed girl.

I asked her out for 4 years, I was so connected to her that all I wanted was her, I couldn’t imagine a life without her, yet she wasn’t feeling the same, the more I tried to get close to her, the more she disliked me, but I wanted her so badly and couldn’t get over her.

I wasn’t thinking of having sex with her, I banished such thoughts with immediate effects because I felt I loved her and thinking of sex towards her will reduce my love to lust.

But unknown to me, I was only lustful, though inspired by love for her qualities.

You still believe that’s love? Now go back up and check the definition of lust. The truth is, I had insatiable crave for her and it was preceded by love for myself, which her brilliant personality could help me achieve.

What’s the connection between determination and lust?

Often time we become lustful and think we are being determined. However, lust and determination has only a little difference. Lust is insatiable crave for something, while determination according to Oxford Dictionary is: firmness of purpose; resoluteness. That says it all, so what is the connection?

And why are people lustful and think they are determined?

Going back to my story, I moved from being determined to being lustful.

I wanted the girl so much, but I couldn’t really control my cravings for her.

Just like me, a lot of people have purposes for wanting certain things and people, though the purposes might not be genuine, it does not reduce their cravings to lust until they lost control over their cravings. The major difference between lust and determination is “control”.

The only time you know your determination has become lust, is when you can’t control how much you want some people and things. Lust in another word is uncontrollable determination.

Why do people have uncontrollable determination?

Sometimes it could be as a result of wanting to prove points to people, internal conviction that something is achievable or need for security.

When do people lust in love?

People lust in love when they cannot control how much they want certain people in their lives.  

However, a lot of things contribute to why people can’t seem to overcome wanting some people in their lives, but the two major things that encompasses all others is ignorance and insecurity. These two works hand in hand, to leave people vulnerable to certain things and people.

Most people lust in love, due to ignorance of their self-worth.  

In my own case, unknown to me, I wanted the lady to boost my profile in the church and among my friends, that’s why I was so into her, but when I discovered my uniqueness, I realized I was actually more intelligent than she was, and I no longer want her.  What has been keeping me in lust after her was ignorance of my own uniqueness.

Just like me, quite a lot of people want certain people with certain qualities to be in their lives, because they feel incomplete without them.  

That’s a huge disservice to them and it only makes them want people uncontrollably to boost their personality.

Ignorance of certain ideologies and beliefs is another reason why people lust in love and thinks they are passionately in love. Some people due to these are motivated to prove points to people, that they can achieve certain things and be respected for it, they only focus on getting what they want, regardless of the odds against them and they lost control for in the long run. They allow their wants to control them; that is lust, but it started with sheer determination to prove points to people or conform to certain ideologies.

Insecurity which is also as a result of ignorance is another reason for lustful feelings.

A lot of people lack of faith in God and in their abilities even though they are aware of them, they fail to understand that it is only God that they can’t do without, thus they have subconsciously replaced certain people with God in their lives and unwilling to let them go.

They call it love, they just don’t seem to know why they seem to want them at all cost, but that’s not love, it is lust, inspired by fear of living without certain people whom they have shared certain things together.

Being addicted to certain vises can also be traced to lust and the causes of this are: ignorance and insecurity.

Some people ventured into drugs, prostitution and the likes and most of them seem addicted to these vises.

However, these are preceded by lust, primarily as a result of ignorance and insecurity of their lives and lack of faith in God.

It is however to be noted that without love, lust won’t exist, the solution is to be in control of your wants and don’t let them control you, lest you become lustful and addicted.

Subdue the world as God has instructed, don’t let anything subdue you.

Remember, whatsoever you can’t control is your master.

Be the master!

For more solutions on your relationship and other psychological issues, call Soul'e Rhymez on: +2348163800077 or send email to: soulerhymez@gmail.com.

You are free to share if you see the need to do so, others: your family and friends might benefit from it too.

Thank you for reading.