THE NITTY-GRITTY OF ONLINE DATING

(An Online Discourse on SRAF)

INTRODUCTION

Good evening great people, in tonight’s Discouse, we will be taking on THE NITTY GRITTY OF ONLINE DATING.

 I'm sure we all know what that is and most of us are into the same game, however, it is time for you to tell us how you feel about it.

What does it entail?

Are the advantages more than the disadvantages or otherwise?                                                 

What’s your take on Online dating?

What's your experience?

What are the stories you have heard?

Do you feel it is good or it is bad? Can you go into it?

 Does it really work?                                                 

 What's your take?

CONTRIBUTIONS

JEJENIWA OLAMILEKAN: My name is Jejeniwa Olamilekan from Ilorin, Kwara State Nigeria.

Online dating is another form of making relationships and I believe relationships thrives based on the different expectations and satisfactions we derive from them.

Personally I don't believe in online dating because it can't satisfy me.

My relationship today is very strong, because we're actively involved in each other's lives and shares similar ideas.

Also, researches have proven that majority of them are not real.

If we were to view from another angle, online dating is just a form of addiction to one's phone or social network.

I'd say it justifies our thirst of wanting to go online.

A relationship that allows for different kinds of insurance is not worth my integrity.

Online dating is a way of catching fun and it rarely leads to something real.

It's mostly a relationship of deceit.

It encourages platforms to deceive each other.

Reasons why online dating shouldn't be considered ideal cannot be overemphasized.

MARIAM: I am Billz from Ogun State.

It goes in two ways depending on how you view it.

It's good in the sense that you get to meet someone new from another region or place and bad that people aren't who they seem to be.

A person's not really who he/she seems to be, some would lie and others won't.  

Facing the good side, I've seen and met people, whom I dated online and are still together till date, I mean I've also had an experience with that and it was quite fun.

DENNIS: I am Denis from Kaduna.  It can work, but depend on the individuals involved

JOSHUA: I am Sir Joshua from Owerri.

A house built on faulty foundation can’t work, so is to online dating it can’t work. You need to know who you are dealing with face to face. You don’t know whether he or she is a demon.

OLUWAFUNMILAYO:  Well, I am Oluwafunmilayo and I think that the fact that two people met online and started dating doesn't make that foundation faulty. It depends on the individual involved, their mindset and the way the way they perceive things. The bad side, some are just users and just like Dennis said... it also depends on the individuals.

MISS GLORIA: Online dating is one of d craziest tins i hv ever heard....although I involved myself in it not knowing that it was crazy. I never heard the idea of what it means and all that.....

My take on this is that Online Dating is not ideal.

MAHMUD SUFIYAN: I am Mahmud Sufiyan from Lagos.

 Online dating is useless to me as for me I see it as nothing.

Why will I date online?

I can't just wake up in the morning and see someone online, an unknown person, telling her can we date online? Gibberish!

MARIAM: I disagree with Joshua.

DOSUMU SAM: I am Dosumu from Ogun state.

Am in support of Billz opinion, the positive side of it is more than the negative, the chance of Honesty in that kind of relationship is so slim.

ISAAC:  I am Isaac from Ilorin.

Well many may condemned Online Dating, but I have seen it work.  People who hardly have time for themselves dim it fit to engaged in online dating since no partner will date the other person with no time for him or her.

A friend of mine got scholarship, school, and works in India since when he was teen. Now it time 4 him to marry and d lady must b from Nigeria and he has no time to come down to and date a girl of his chosen d only way he can effectively do that is through online

Samuel Abigail: my name is Samuel Abigail from Lagos.

Online dating is established out of the intimacy of interaction via social media.

In this case the content of our interaction is coined from our emotions. To some certain extent this emotional could look real but honestly and carefully looking at it, you will discover that it is only an illusion derived from infatuation.

It might appear attractive but it isnt a good one at all because, I for one see online dating detriment to a lady's value and it’s an indirect way of saying you are irresponsible.

MODERATOR’S VERDICTS

Nice discourse we’ve had, everyone is right in their own perspectives, but I have thus to say to complement all that has been said:

In 21^st century, the world has moved from global village to a global room due to the influence of internet and several social media platforms, Online Dating seem inevitable.

However, it seems more people have been victims than those that have actually benefited from it.

Does it however mean Online Dating is bad or suggest that relationships online are unreliable? Does it mean only fraudsters are involved in Online Dating?

Why do people go Online, looking for whom to date?

Online dating is good, many successes have been recorded as much as failures, and it comes down to the fact that people online are just everyday people. However, people are liable to hurt people they meet online more than they will do to people they see daily.

This is also down to personality, because as much as we have these bad guys, both male and female, we also have the good ones.

The question is how do we meet the good ones?

The advantages of Online Dating are inside the disadvantages, but in order to get these advantages, you don’t have to stop because of the disadvantages, instead, move on and get the advantages overshadowed by the disadvantages.

If Lady from the Caribbean can marry from Africathroughonline dating,it means they have being able to build the gaps culturally and continentally and has through that further proven that the world has become a global room.

Online dating also reduces polygamy.

In some countries and places, the ladies are much, while the men are few; the best way is to look out to other places for your choice of spouse. I think God has planned it that way.

If you are waiting to marry from your village or only people that speak your language based on popular opinions, you might remain single for life or end up in a polygamous home.

Online dating has paved a way to reach out to a lot of people and make your choice, however, to get the advantages, below are tips.

HAVE A REASONABLE REASON TO OPT FOR IT

A lot of people actually go online because they intend to run away from their faults or cover them up, some does so because they want to just fulfill their sensual want while others go on their looking for people that will fall victim of their tricks and send money to them.

To be a victor of Online Dating and not fall a victim of the miscreants online, you must go for what you really need and not what you think you want, but don’t forget what you need might not need you so keep trying until you reach the stop.

Don’t expect too much and be willing to give as much as you take.

BE REAL/ PRESENT HALF OF YOUR WORTH

Well, this doesn’t mean you should be fake, but it is better to know more as they get close.

The best way to keep online miscreants in your life is to tell them only the beautiful things about your life, especially the fact that you work in a fancy place and make a lot of money. Don’t even give that impression.

A lot of people make this mistake and that’s why they fall into temptations and keep online scammers coming after them.

Online people are just like the offline ones, the ones that will love you for who you are will, but the players will go away once you don’t have what they want.

Tell them how broke you are; especially if you are from the western world, but never ask of anything from them,

UNDERSTAND THE RISK

Well, you must understand online is a risk just as dating someone you meet offline is also a risk.

In relationships, whether intimate or not, how you meet doesn’t really matter, what matters is the fact that you are able to build a long standing relationship that can stand the test of time.

Calculate your risk and know if it is worth taking, if it is worth taking, why not?

After all, life itself is a risk we take and everyone we think we already know are actually strangers.

You must understand security is a grand illusion, no one ever has it.

Do what you have to do despite the risks, make sure you stay protected though.

People that make most positive impacts in my life are people that I met online, I also have friends, who met people online and are married now with kids and we still talk, the key is to play your cards skillfully. Focus on imparting people’s lives, whether they pay you with evil or not, but be wise in doing so, especially in dating

PAY ATTENTION TO DETAILS

Most people fall victims of online scammers simply because they are unable to pay attention to details. Take close look at their online disposition, the way they talk, is it uniform or not?

Make enquiry about them, study the pictures they send to you, study the background, remember these details and ask questions if you can’t connect them to what they tell you.

Read in between the lines of every word they say to you.

Don’t just fall flat, use your brain, ask questions and don’t ignore any warning signals.

A player will always have financial problems he/she wants you to sort out, while some real guys might have this problems too, the best way to spot the difference is to pay attention to details; connect their words, if they don’t connect, beware!

GET TO KNOW THEIR FAMILY AND FRIENDS

If someone is proud of you, both online and offline, they will let you know their people, they will tell you about their families; this will also take you to remember who they say their families are. Remember names they call for you, remember the faces,  by that you will know if they are really framing up family in order to make you trust them and dupe you or take advantage of you in any other ways possible.

If it is possible, request to talk with some members of their families, get their numbers; call them with a different number to confirm the truth, if they already knew your number.

Well, you need to know that your relationship, if it is leading to marriage is a life investment, so do your best to be sure of what you are going into. Not doing this might spell your doom.

BE SURE THEY ARE GODLY

Look, if you take God away from the life of any man, he becomes a beast and they can do any harm without thinking twice, this has only a little thing to do with religion. So, if you are dating online, pay attention to how godly your partner is.

If religion is a measure, it is better you go with someone is of the same religion as you or you agree with his/her beliefs. How well do they talk about God? Also check their languages.

ALWAYS REQUESTING FOR MONEY & NUDE PICTURES

Though this depends on how you started out, but you have to be very careful if all your partner wants is your money, sex chats and nude pictures. I’m not saying it is bad to ask for such, but you should be wise enough to know when it is too much.  Just like everyday people, the online partners also have problems they want to solve with money, but be very careful, if your online partner is always having problems to solve with money and refuses to converse with you if you refuse to give.

DURATION

Look, players lack one thing, it is patience. No player will come after you after you made it clear you have no money to offer and also declare that you are not interested in online sex chat or sharing of nude pictures.

Even if they follow up, within one year of following up, they will give up. Before you start sex chat with your online partner, you must have trusted them to some extent, except it is only what you need from them. No player will stay with you if there is no hope of getting money from you, your nude pictures or sex chat. Duration also matters in Online Dating.

FOLLOW GOD/YOUR INTUITION

God is important in everything you do, hearing from him is crucial for any effective life, but if you are an atheist or you don’t know how to hear from God, there is another thing God has planted in you to guard you: your intuition.

Your intuition only works best when you are able to analyze what you want from what you need, pay attention to details and work with facts and not just lust for certain things.

If after purging yourself of all lust and you are left with the needed, your intuition will dictate to you whether to go on with the person or not.

Never ignore the small still voice that is telling you to go on when voices around you tells you to stop or telling you to stop when voices around you and lust tells you to go on, it is your intuition and God has put it there to guard you to every right decision.

It works best, when you are able to identify what you need away from lust and sensuality.

All the above ways may fail, but listening to God and your intuition at its best won’t fail.

In conclusion, choose the best way for you, everything has their advantages and disadvantages; the difference is your smartness in making your choices. I am Soul’e Rhymez, thanks for letting us learn together.

EDITOR

Eneji Stephen Toluwalashe (Soul’e Rhymez)

CORRESPONDENT:

Mrs. Oluwabunmi Ipadeola Ogunnote