THE NITTY-GRITTY OF ONLINE DATING
(An
Online Discourse on SRAF)
INTRODUCTION
Good evening great people, in tonight’s
Discouse, we will be taking on THE NITTY GRITTY OF ONLINE DATING.
I'm sure we all know what that is and most of
us are into the same game, however, it is time for you to tell us how you feel
about it.
What does it entail?
Are the advantages more than the
disadvantages or otherwise?
What’s your take on
Online dating?
What's your
experience?
What are the stories
you have heard?
Do you feel it is
good or it is bad? Can you go into it?
Does it really work?
What's your take?
CONTRIBUTIONS
JEJENIWA OLAMILEKAN:
My name is Jejeniwa Olamilekan from Ilorin, Kwara State Nigeria.
Online dating is
another form of making relationships and I believe relationships thrives based
on the different expectations and satisfactions we derive from them.
Personally I don't
believe in online dating because it can't satisfy me.
My relationship today
is very strong, because we're actively involved in each other's lives and
shares similar ideas.
Also, researches have
proven that majority of them are not real.
If we were to view
from another angle, online dating is just a form of addiction to one's phone or
social network.
I'd say it justifies
our thirst of wanting to go online.
A relationship that
allows for different kinds of insurance is not worth my integrity.
Online dating is a
way of catching fun and it rarely leads to something real.
It's mostly a
relationship of deceit.
It encourages
platforms to deceive each other.
Reasons why online
dating shouldn't be considered ideal cannot be overemphasized.
MARIAM: I am Billz
from Ogun State.
It goes in two ways
depending on how you view it.
It's good in the
sense that you get to meet someone new from another region or place and bad
that people aren't who they seem to be.
A person's not really
who he/she seems to be, some would lie and others won't.
Facing the good side,
I've seen and met people, whom I dated online and are still together till date,
I mean I've also had an experience with that and it was quite fun.
DENNIS: I am Denis
from Kaduna. It can work, but depend on the individuals involved
JOSHUA: I am Sir
Joshua from Owerri.
A house built on
faulty foundation can’t work, so is to online dating it can’t work. You need to
know who you are dealing with face to face. You don’t know whether he or she is
a demon.
OLUWAFUNMILAYO: Well, I am Oluwafunmilayo and I think that the
fact that two people met online and started dating doesn't make that foundation
faulty. It depends on the individual involved, their mindset and the way the
way they perceive things. The bad side, some are just users and just like
Dennis said... it also depends on the individuals.
MISS GLORIA: Online
dating is one of d craziest tins i hv ever heard....although I involved myself
in it not knowing that it was crazy. I never heard the idea of what it means and
all that.....
My take on this is
that Online Dating is not ideal.
MAHMUD SUFIYAN: I am Mahmud Sufiyan from Lagos.
Online dating is useless to me as for me I see
it as nothing.
Why will I date online?
I can't just wake up
in the morning and see someone online, an unknown person, telling her can we
date online? Gibberish!
MARIAM: I disagree
with Joshua.
DOSUMU SAM: I am
Dosumu from Ogun state.
Am in support of Billz
opinion, the positive side of it is more than the negative, the chance of
Honesty in that kind of relationship is so slim.
ISAAC: I am Isaac from Ilorin.
Well many may
condemned Online Dating, but I have seen it work. People who hardly have time for themselves
dim it fit to engaged in online dating since no partner will date the other
person with no time for him or her.
A friend of mine got
scholarship, school, and works in India since when he was teen. Now it time 4
him to marry and d lady must b from Nigeria and he has no time to come down to
and date a girl of his chosen d only way he can effectively do that is through
online
Samuel Abigail: my
name is Samuel Abigail from Lagos.
Online dating is established
out of the intimacy of interaction via social media.
In this case the
content of our interaction is coined from our emotions. To some certain extent
this emotional could look real but honestly and carefully looking at it, you
will discover that it is only an illusion derived from infatuation.
It might appear
attractive but it isnt a good one at all because, I for one see online dating
detriment to a lady's value and it’s an indirect way of saying you are
irresponsible.
MODERATOR’S VERDICTS
Nice discourse we’ve
had, everyone is right in their own perspectives, but I have thus to say to
complement all that has been said:
In 21st
century, the world has moved from global village to a global room due to the
influence of internet and several social media platforms, Online Dating seem
inevitable.
However, it seems
more people have been victims than those that have actually benefited from it.
Does it however mean
Online Dating is bad or suggest that relationships online are unreliable? Does
it mean only fraudsters are involved in Online Dating?
Why do people go
Online, looking for whom to date?
Online dating is
good, many successes have been recorded as much as failures, and it comes down
to the fact that people online are just everyday people. However, people are
liable to hurt people they meet online more than they will do to people they
see daily.
This is also down to
personality, because as much as we have these bad guys, both male and female,
we also have the good ones.
The question is how
do we meet the good ones?
The advantages of
Online Dating are inside the disadvantages, but in order to get these
advantages, you don’t have to stop because of the disadvantages, instead, move
on and get the advantages overshadowed by the disadvantages.
If Lady from the
Caribbean can marry from Africathroughonline dating,it means they have being
able to build the gaps culturally and continentally and has through that
further proven that the world has become a global room.
Online dating also
reduces polygamy.
In some countries and
places, the ladies are much, while the men are few; the best way is to look out
to other places for your choice of spouse. I think God has planned it that way.
If you are waiting to
marry from your village or only people that speak your language based on
popular opinions, you might remain single for life or end up in a polygamous
home.
Online dating has
paved a way to reach out to a lot of people and make your choice, however, to
get the advantages, below are tips.
HAVE A REASONABLE
REASON TO OPT FOR IT
A lot of people actually
go online because they intend to run away from their faults or cover them up,
some does so because they want to just fulfill their sensual want while others
go on their looking for people that will fall victim of their tricks and send
money to them.
To be a victor of
Online Dating and not fall a victim of the miscreants online, you must go for
what you really need and not what you think you want, but don’t forget what you
need might not need you so keep trying until you reach the stop.
Don’t expect too much
and be willing to give as much as you take.
BE REAL/ PRESENT HALF
OF YOUR WORTH
Well, this doesn’t
mean you should be fake, but it is better to know more as they get close.
The best way to keep
online miscreants in your life is to tell them only the beautiful things about
your life, especially the fact that you work in a fancy place and make a lot of
money. Don’t even give that impression.
A lot of people make
this mistake and that’s why they fall into temptations and keep online scammers
coming after them.
Online people are
just like the offline ones, the ones that will love you for who you are will,
but the players will go away once you don’t have what they want.
Tell them how broke
you are; especially if you are from the western world, but never ask of
anything from them,
UNDERSTAND THE RISK
Well, you must
understand online is a risk just as dating someone you meet offline is also a
risk.
In relationships,
whether intimate or not, how you meet doesn’t really matter, what matters is
the fact that you are able to build a long standing relationship that can stand
the test of time.
Calculate your risk
and know if it is worth taking, if it is worth taking, why not?
After all, life
itself is a risk we take and everyone we think we already know are actually
strangers.
You must understand
security is a grand illusion, no one ever has it.
Do what you have to
do despite the risks, make sure you stay protected though.
People that make most
positive impacts in my life are people that I met online, I also have friends,
who met people online and are married now with kids and we still talk, the key
is to play your cards skillfully. Focus on imparting people’s lives, whether
they pay you with evil or not, but be wise in doing so, especially in dating
PAY ATTENTION TO
DETAILS
Most people fall
victims of online scammers simply because they are unable to pay attention to
details. Take close look at their online disposition, the way they talk, is it
uniform or not?
Make enquiry about
them, study the pictures they send to you, study the background, remember these
details and ask questions if you can’t connect them to what they tell you.
Read in between the
lines of every word they say to you.
Don’t just fall flat,
use your brain, ask questions and don’t ignore any warning signals.
A player will always
have financial problems he/she wants you to sort out, while some real guys
might have this problems too, the best way to spot the difference is to pay
attention to details; connect their words, if they don’t connect, beware!
GET TO KNOW THEIR
FAMILY AND FRIENDS
If someone is proud
of you, both online and offline, they will let you know their people, they will
tell you about their families; this will also take you to remember who they say
their families are. Remember names they call for you, remember the faces, by that you will know if they are really
framing up family in order to make you trust them and dupe you or take
advantage of you in any other ways possible.
If it is possible,
request to talk with some members of their families, get their numbers; call
them with a different number to confirm the truth, if they already knew your
number.
Well, you need to
know that your relationship, if it is leading to marriage is a life investment,
so do your best to be sure of what you are going into. Not doing this might
spell your doom.
BE SURE THEY ARE
GODLY
Look, if you take God
away from the life of any man, he becomes a beast and they can do any harm
without thinking twice, this has only a little thing to do with religion. So,
if you are dating online, pay attention to how godly your partner is.
If religion is a
measure, it is better you go with someone is of the same religion as you or you
agree with his/her beliefs. How well do they talk about God? Also check their
languages.
ALWAYS REQUESTING FOR
MONEY & NUDE PICTURES
Though this depends
on how you started out, but you have to be very careful if all your partner
wants is your money, sex chats and nude pictures. I’m not saying it is bad to
ask for such, but you should be wise enough to know when it is too much. Just like everyday people, the online
partners also have problems they want to solve with money, but be very careful,
if your online partner is always having problems to solve with money and
refuses to converse with you if you refuse to give.
DURATION
Look, players lack
one thing, it is patience. No player will come after you after you made it
clear you have no money to offer and also declare that you are not interested
in online sex chat or sharing of nude pictures.
Even if they follow
up, within one year of following up, they will give up. Before you start sex
chat with your online partner, you must have trusted them to some extent,
except it is only what you need from them. No player will stay with you if
there is no hope of getting money from you, your nude pictures or sex chat. Duration
also matters in Online Dating.
FOLLOW GOD/YOUR INTUITION
God is important in
everything you do, hearing from him is crucial for any effective life, but if
you are an atheist or you don’t know how to hear from God, there is another
thing God has planted in you to guard you: your intuition.
Your intuition only
works best when you are able to analyze what you want from what you need, pay
attention to details and work with facts and not just lust for certain things.
If after purging
yourself of all lust and you are left with the needed, your intuition will
dictate to you whether to go on with the person or not.
Never ignore the
small still voice that is telling you to go on when voices around you tells you
to stop or telling you to stop when voices around you and lust tells you to go
on, it is your intuition and God has put it there to guard you to every right
decision.
It works best, when
you are able to identify what you need away from lust and sensuality.
All the above ways
may fail, but listening to God and your intuition at its best won’t fail.
In conclusion, choose
the best way for you, everything has their advantages and disadvantages; the
difference is your smartness in making your choices. I am Soul’e Rhymez, thanks
for letting us learn together.
EDITOR
Eneji Stephen
Toluwalashe (Soul’e Rhymez)
CORRESPONDENT:
Mrs. Oluwabunmi
Ipadeola Ogunnote
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