SULE; THE UGLY CHECHE (THE SELF-ESTEEM WAR) Written by Soul’e Rhymez

 

Sometime ago, a good friend of mine from North America sent me a message saying "hi, Ugly Boy” and I replied, "hello Beautiful Lady” without giving it a real thought.

But if it were some seven, eight years before now, it would have got me thinking and depressed, blaming God for making me ugly and perhaps my mom for settling for my father, whom I look exactly like.

Talking about some seven, eight years ago; when I was still in high school; a remarkable event took place; a self-esteem war that changed my name to "Sule, The Ugly Cheche."It was a dull morning in the school premises, after a show of shame with a group of girls, my classmates who had to fight for their beautiful friend, Esther, whom I became an embarrassment to just for asking her out.

I was in SSS 3 and preparing for my final exams when it happened, they raised the chorus "Sule, Ugly Cheche" and invited junior students to back them up, their song was a sharp arrow, it pierced my heart and reduced me to a toy, but I became more furious and disappointed that the guys standing could not stop them.

All of them faulted me, thus I was lonely and helpless in midst of crowd.

Prior to that time, I lived with the consciousness that I was very ugly, I didn’t ask any girl out; I thought they belong to the handsome ones, a group I thought I didn't belong. I felt really left out whenever girls says "I want a tall and handsome guy" I thought I was ugly and not as tall anyway, but when Esther joined the school, I had an uncontrollable feeling for her and thus she became the first girl I ever asked out.

I always feel she won't like me, because of my ugly appearance, so I resorted to writing letter, judging from the fact that I was one of the best English students of our set.

After a couple of Solomonic Epistles without a single response, I decided to confront her along the road at ST. John Primary School, where I usually play football with my friends, but not even my well combed hair could buy her attention, she ignored me severally as if I didn’t exist and that was the beginning of shameful end.

She had a somewhat playboy boyfriend, but because I felt he was handsome and of course taller than I was.

His appearance was always a dagger to my heart, on the other hand he never felt I existed; he never saw me as a threat.

He even at some point came to visit Esther in the school and it crushed my heart as she walked toward him by the gate.

After several of rejections by Esther and that mockery song from her friends, I fought serious self-esteem war.

Even as a boy, I took mirrors to school, I turned all reflections to mirrors, I robbed powder and even lip-gloss at some point just to be sure I look good, but anytime I looked at the mirror, all I saw was "Sule, the Ugly Cheche" and had to try even harder.

I was simply suffering from Body dimorphic disorder, (BDD) and with that, I could never look good to myself until I decided to believe I am handsome and not ugly as I was made to see it.

After my high school education, I lived with that consciousness for years, I didn't ask girls out and because I was a church boy, people thought I was only being holy, but the fact was that I was suffering in silence.

I often concluded the girls would say No! So I saw no reason why I should ask them out and get the same kind of embarrassment I got in high school.

Fortunately for me, I got to read some books that helped me grow and take control of my mind, I got to understand that, for my beauty to be in the eyes of the beholder, it must be in my mind and reflect in my carriage.

This means I must find out and believe in my uniqueness and project it to people.

Then they call me names like Sule-Igbira, Ode, Mumu, Ugly Cheche and Agena-sule all equivalent to imbecile or dullard, but that was what my carriage projected to people.

Now I hear names and titles like “Genius”, “The finest Philosopher”; “the best of your kind”, “Intelligent Young man”, “and Rare-gem”, “Handsome Man” and my personality is now so intimidating, that guys now see me as a big threat when it comes to getting the female folk, unlike then when Toyosi cared not about my existence.

Now girls get annoyed if I don’t hug them outside, they feel belittled if I ignore them, they want me to hang my hands around their necks as we walk down the street, because they want to be identified with me.

Mind you, I’m not rich yet, so what’s the secret?

The new names and acceptance isn't because I'm rich or I'm a superstar yet, but because I am proud of the Man I am and refused to be let down by people's careless talks.

I also hear statements like, he is full of himself, he's arrogant and the likes, but I understand why they come: if you discover your real self, people will feel intimidated and say you are proud.

The worst danger low self-esteem pose is that it takes you away from the image of God; you won't believe in yourself (your freewill, creativity, initiatives, giving love and accepting love) as it was in my case.

I couldn’t give love or accept love, because I believed I wasn’t perfectly created and that's low self-esteem, which makes me envy others and became sinful under the law.

Remember my appearance never change, I am still that man, no plastic surgeries, just beards, but the names and receptions did change.

This is because I have self-respect; I hardly get tempted to compare myself with others and if I’m tempted, I just look at my importance (abilities and uniqueness) and stabilize my self-esteem.

No matter whom you are, what you've achieved, and where you've been to, you can't intimidate me, but I can celebrate you without envying you, knowing well we don't have the same destiny and even if we do, we won't fulfill it at the same time.

That’s my story; how I grew from “good for nothing” to “good for all things”, how I grew from the most hated boy to the most enviable guy.

If I can do this, you can do better!

Believe in yourself

You are handsome

You are beautiful

You are intelligent

You are the best of your kind.

Say those words to yourself and live in their consciousness, I tell you, with time; people will start seeing them in you.

Work on your strength and stop lamenting about what you don’t have.

There is a drop of greatness in every man (human being) and that includes you.

Believe in yourself.

If you are touched by this Article, kindly share with people, you think need it.

You can remove my name from it; all I care about is that this message helps people to rediscover their self-esteem.