ARRANGED MARRIAGE; IDEAL OR NOT?

(An Online Discourse on SRAF)

INTRODUCTION

Soul'e Rhymez: Good evening Great people, tonight we will be discussing: ARRANGED MARRIAGE; IDEAL OR NOT?
But before we proceed, could anyone one of us define Arranged Marriage?


DEFINITIONS, OPINIONS AND SUGGESTED CAUSES

Steve D: Arranged marriage is simply the act of forcing a man of woman to one by our parents, guidance or uncles.


Dennis Maude: Arranged Marriage is when either one or both parents find and bring a partner for their son or daughter, with or without his initial consent.

Marion: Arranged Marriage is type marriage whereby parents give their children for marriage due to maybe d family they are giving their child to might be rich or their friend.

Victoria Ince: An Arranged Marriage is a marriage that is planned or agreed to between families by parents.

Bella: Arranged marriage is a type of marital union, where the bride and groom are selected by their families; the family members take a significant role in bringing a couple together. In some cases, the couple may marry while still relative strangers under the expectation that they will develop a loving relationship over time.
These marriages are in contrast to so-called "love marriages," in which a couple is drawn together by mutual attraction and makes the decision to marry on their own. While often associated with cultures in the Middle East, Africa, and India, these arrangements are not unknown in Western countries, particularly among immigrant populations.

Soul'e Rhymez: You all are right. However, let's look at it this way, arranged marriage has worked out for some people quite well and most of them are still living together today.
I have seen cases, where the parents told their daughter not to marry out of her choice and they event ahead to provide her with a family friend to marry.
Do you think it is the best option we can have now, considering the high number of divorce?

Victoria Ince: Is it that the high rate of divorce is linked to arranged marriages?

Steve D: To me arrange marriage can turn out to be goo, if the couple's can submit to each other and do away with pride. Divorce manifests when the man or woman want to show he is the bread winner hence taking the other partner for granted.

Dennis Maude: For me, it’s based on individuals. Every parent wants the best for their offspring, so parents may be right. check for instance, we attend schools, when we started we were total strangers with those we ended up as best of friends so, same can also go with arranged marriages, with time and patience, both partners will get acquainted with each other.

Maryam: Arranged Marriage is ideal; because I am sure our parent can't mislead us. Young people are just been blindfolded in their so called love.

Victoria Ince: I tend to agree. Parents do want the best for their children, but if the child is in love with someone beside who the arrangement is with, this might pose a problem.

Awbuoy: There isn't any marriage that can't fail if the partners are not of mutual understanding. Arranged marriage does more harms than good. The emotion of the victim should be considered first. The best marriage is one in which the partners themselves follows their heart.
Most arranged marriages are based on selfish reasons on the part of the parents. Run the statistics. 99.9% are for personal parental gains, it could also be because of debt offload, political gain, monetary gain etc.

Steve D: Arranged Marriage does more harm than good to the partner involved.
Since you might not know the mindset of your partner, it's difficult to share secrets and it is often said except two people come together and agree it can't hold water,

Dennis Maude: divorces are by no means linked to arranged marriages. Those who got divorce do so at their individual discretions.

Emmanuel: Arranged marriage? Nice topic. I'm learning.

Victoria Ince: Arranged marriages can work. It has in the past.

David: Success of marriage is hinged strongly on the individual virtues of the involved parties amongst other things. Parents as much as possible carefully look out for this though it will be argued that the individuals involved can do their homework.


Awbuoy: How can the couples feel free? Rather, it could be a modernized slavery, entanglement.

Bella: Arranged marriage a times works for people But when it's has to do with the parents’ selfish motives, it leads to one problem or the other.

David: Individuals also make selfish decisions when choosing for themselves partners so much as others base their choice on vile gains, either way can be problematic.

Running Gome: But it is good to choose yourself a marriage partner, because you see for yourself what you like or not in that person before going any further with wedding plans.

David: With arranged marriage, love is gradually built on empathy, but with flawed decision, frustration sets in as the choice person fails to meet expectations.

Awbuoy: The heart of two lovers should not be tampered with by a third party. Marriage should be a mutual consent of two parties.

Dennis Maude: If our parents who were of little or no formal educated can live decades of arranged marriages, why not we who claims to be academicians and all that?
Forget about selfish reasons, please, you that wants a partner alone, isn’t that selfishness too?
Remember your spouse is getting married to your entire family, so parents can never be wrong about it.
Abraham & Sarah, Arranged Marriage, Isaac & Rebecca Arranged Marriage, Joseph & Mary Arranged Marriage. They all worked fine, no problem.
Tiwa Savage & T-bills after courtship, but problematic, Whitney Houston & Bobby Brown, not an arranged marriage, but problematic. Do your analysis.

Maryam: “Most arranged marriages are for selfish reasons on the part of the parents. Run the statistics. 99.9% are for personal parental gains, it could also be because of debt offload, political gain, monetary gain etc.”
That's film, not real. No parent will want to compromise their children’s future.

Awbuoy: @ Blaje. I Saying 99.9 percent of arranged marriages are based on selfish reason was my judicious opinion and reality not movie. I believe we are all intellectuals. Even if you talk about movies, we have fictions and non-fictions. Even most fictions are narration of what happens in our everyday life, except farce. I have seen an occasion where my mentor wrote a fiction and the following day he sees a patient in the hospital with same story line. So, I still stand on my point, ‘selfish reason' is the major cause of arranged marriage.

Dennis Maude: Some people think only arranged marriages breed a marital problem, that’s not true, if my parents can work it out and are still together. Then I can also follow their footsteps because relationships of nowadays no love, just lies and deception.

Victoria Ince: I think it's a norm in relationships. Whether arranged or not marriages sometimes fail.

Mhiz Crystalz: Arranged Marriage? It’s a no for me.
I can't imagine spending the rest of my life with one I barely know, not to talk of giving my body to him and performing wifely duties to him.

Bella: @ Mhiz Crystalz before you get to know your friend or your husband, you must develop likeness for the person first. So even if your marriage is arrange there must be developing of likeness before you give him your body. An arranged marriage is not the same as a forced marriage. Typically, parents grant their children veto power over who they will (or will not) marry. In addition, both civil and religious law often forbids using coercion to get someone to marry against his or her will.

Dennis Maude: some ladies can pretend, saying how can you give your body to someone, because the marriage was arranged sounds childish to me.
Some ladies do meet sugar daddies and men they barely know; then sleep with them for money. So if that's your only argument about arranged marriage, my sister please hold your peace.

Mhiz Crystalz: Indeed Dennis, that's a different issue entirely, we talking about a lifetime contract, sugar daddies isn’t a lifetime thing besides........ I rest my speech.

Dennis Maude: @Mhiz, if u can do sugar daddies, which can hurt on a one night stand and might pass something to you that may result to a lifetime problem, then what's the big deal with an arranged marriage?

David: Sadly true, but arranged marriage have worked more than otherwise, maybe because the families are carried along and so there is higher stake.

Dennis Maude: Don't get it twisted; if I introduced a lady to you, help you do some necessary things to get hooked up, that is an arranged marriage, nobody forced anybody on anybody.

Ajaero: Arranged marriage is really ideal and cool.
There is more trust in such than the current or present era of marriage which causes pain.

Lolardey: This is a marriage where the people in question are either forced on each other or  made to be with each other against either or both their will.

David: And yes it is not 'force' that's a harsh and discreditable term of expressing arranged marriage.

Victoria Ince: In arranged marriage most parents choose based on status, and not love. Which at times is best. Since when persons are in love they tend to overlook important details.

Maryam: “In arranged marriage most parents choose based on status, and not love. Which at times is best. Since when persons are in love they tend to overlook important details.”
...... .. Status is good... I bet you, there is no love without money.


SUGGESTED REASONS FOR ARRANGED MARRIAGE

Bella:  Supporters of arranged marriage often says that parents usually have a good understanding of what will give their children long-term happiness, making them ideal candidates for choosing the
child's spouse. Sociological studies have shown that individuals from similar backgrounds have a
better chance of having a happy marriage. When parents arrange a marriage for their children, they are likely to focus on areas of mutual compatibility other than sexual attraction, which can fade over time. Without other factors holding relationships together, such as mutual respect, similar values, and family support, couples are at higher risk of divorce.

My Abigail: Hmmm....honestly, looking at how love has take turn nowadays arranged marriage seems to be the easiest way out. Most times what we feel is pure lust, but still goes into marriage and at the end divorce becomes the only way out.
Very few of our youths understands love, especially when things like money and beauty are involved and of course friends approval.
Believe it or not, about at least 50% of youths’ relationships are either based on lust or money or just for companionship in other to feel accepted.
Our parents didn't have to go though series of emotional traumas most of us have gone through and in the end, they settle out of desperation, just to make a family or change surname.
If only we can get the priorities right again and give attention to love in details, only then it will we be made right against arranged marriage.


MORDERATOR’S COMMENTS

Soul'e Rhymez: Alright Great People, we did it again.
Thanks for your contributions. Both the supporters and those that opposed are right.
However, I seek your indulgence to have me buttress your points.
Talking about Arranged Marriage, you have to understand the noun MARRIAGE is only modified by adjective, ARRANGED, thus, for us to analyze the clause very well; we have to define the noun. What is marriage and on what is it based?
These will make it easier for us to know if Arranged Marriage is ideal or not.

I once stated that marriage is first based on pride of ownership before love comes in. This is why it doesn't make sense for the husband to refer to his wife as "wife" without adding "my". Even in mere dating, that adjective “my” must modify the noun, Wife, husband, boyfriend; girlfriend and so on. This stabilizes the presence of pride of ownership, which is the first thing that comes to play in such relationships and this is actually what brings about the love. Having understood that, it will be relatively easy to know if Arranged Marriage is ideal for us or not. I tell you, idealism here is relative.

People talk about love, but marriage goes beyond that.
If you are a recipient of Arranged Marriage, you are only being told: “you don't know what you want, now this is what we know is best for you.” Nowadays, if you look at people that are recipients of arranged relationships, they are mostly people, who because of their advanced age and no spouse yet, their family can no longer trust their sense of choice so they choose for them. If they choose spouse for you, whether out of the fact that your family wants the best for you or for their own selfish interest, two things are sure: they lack trust in your ability to choose rightly and they ignore your ability to make such decision for yourself respectively.
Your maturity and freewill in that regard are in a great doubt. You might like to agree with this or not, but that's the fact untold.
What if they are right to choose for you? Do you just deny this fact even when it is there? Do you just go with them?

This is a way out. Having understood the pride of ownership is the first thing in marriage, you have to first define what you want. However, if you look for flimsy and unrealistic features, you might end up deceiving yourself, but it is good to have a mental picture of the person you want to spend your entire life with. In this regard too, your family could be right, because some people reason like toddlers even with their age and you wonder what's wrong with their heads. They look for flimsy qualities such as big ass, boobs, six packs and the likes in a relationship that they want to be in for the rest of their lives, with that, your family will be 1000% right to choose for you, because you have shown them you are still a suckling.

The family most times arrange based on status of the person they want you to get married to. They either want to inflate their self importance or continue to get business deals in return, but what happen to your own happiness and your mental picture of what you want?
Look, security is a grand illusion and no one ever has it, thus, in trying to secure a future that seem best to them for you, they might end up putting you in prison.
This does not say they are always wrong. If the person they chose for you fits into the frame of what you want, why not?

What matters is that you are happy together and you find what you want in each other. This will bring about love and protection that you always want. However, you have to understand that what brings this type happiness is the fact that you find what you want in each other, not because you are arranged or otherwise. So, what matters in marriage is not whether it is arranged or not, it is about finding what you want in your partner. If you have found that yourself, why wait for your parents?
If your parents can find such a person for you; why not?
But a salient question here: who knows what you want most, you or your family?
The answer to this question has a lot to say about how matured you really are.

If you see what you want in someone and you are being presented with another and you can't fight for what you want, it is either because you are not sure of what you want or because you are scared of going against your people.
Talking about what you want, the question you need to ask is: will it last a lifetime? And talking about not wanting to go against your people, especially parents, I tell you, if you can't do that and make them reason with you, you are still a suckling.
You can't always do what your parents wants, especially in marriage. It is your life not theirs.
You take responsibility for what happens whether they choose for you or not, so why not define what you want and go for instead of being fed with choices?


CONCLUSION

Recommendations here for what to look out for:
Look for someone whose weakness you can manage and every other good thing will come as complement.
Look for someone who has vision that you can support or that can support your own vision.
Look for someone who knows how to invest and manage funds, not those who are rich alone.
Look for someone who is mentally rich and not with poor mentality. I tell you the truth, money in the hands of a man with poor mentality is like bomb in the hands of a suicide bomber. He will destroy himself and many others with it. The real poverty is in the mentality.
Remember, marriage is a life contract. You can look for such flimsy things in all those playful relationships, marriage is different.

This is where I call it a day. Thanks for your participation.
Big thanks to Mrs. Oluwabunmi, our able correspondent.
If you have any question, please send me private message on +2348163800077.

Good night Great People

EDITOR:
Eneji Stephen Toluwalashe (Soul’e Rhymez)

CORRESPONDENT:
Mrs. Oluwabunmi Ipadeola Ogunnote