MECHANISM OF UNDERSTANDING (the best therapy for interpersonal relationship)

An Online Lecture delivered by Soul’e Rhymez on SRAF WhatsApp Portal

SOUL'E RHYMEZ: Tonight we will be getting enlightened on what is termed "MECHANISM OF UNDERSTANDING" it has been tagged a lecture of the century, but let's see how it goes.

First of all I give glory to God for the privilege given, for me to be here tonight. I am humbled by his blessings. Let us give him all the praise.

Now, here we go with the definition of Mechanism of Understanding. Mechanism of Understanding is the mental, physical and psychological process of knowledgeability.

Tonight, we will be enlightened on Mechanism of Understanding of the other person, which literally mean how to understand/have knowledge of the other person, mentality, physically and psychologically. This will aid how well we relate with people and I can assure you that if we all do this well, the world will be a better than it is at the moment.

Alright, before I continue, let me throw a question to the house. If after you have a light disagreement with your partner in relationship, you try calling, but he/she isn't picking up. The whatsApp and BBM messages you sent shows he/she is reading it, what will be going on in your mind at that moment and what will you do if he/she eventually answers? Sincere answers!

YOUR DADDY: well, I think why that partner may not be answering is because he or she is still angry. I will allow her to calm down. I will give her a little break and get someone she respects and listen to talk to her.

ISOBOYE: First, I will hear from her to know her positions of the happening.

MARYAM: I would think he/she is thinking of what to say or the perfect way to convene his/her messages...

AJAERO: No. Find a way to see your partner and iron things out, else if it lingers it may cause damage

M GOOD: As an emotional and temperamental person... I will actually be vexed and say stuffs. By then, it will be my time to get angry.

SOUL'E RHYMEZ: we all made great points, but it is easier said than done.

Regardless of how well we think we all can handle such situation, it is obvious most of us will get annoyed and say some things out of anger. What causes such anger? That anger was self influenced. It was actually as a result of lack of understanding of what is going on with the other person and the assumption of wrongs on his/her behalf. Any man would have thought: oh, because of this little quarrel, she ignores my calls; she even sees my messages, read and didn't reply. I guess she has been seeing another person, I guess she is now becoming rude. I will show her love is not stupidity. The same goes with most women, but only few of us would have reasoned in the other person's favor in that situation. This is why we need Mechanism of Understanding.

Let us leave what we all would have done in such situation and talk about what we are supposed to do, using Mechanism of Understanding.

Talking about Mechanism of Understanding, for it to be appropriately put to use, we need to understand something called: "Law of Coincidence" and how it works.

Law of Coincidence states that when something of uncertain cause happen, there will always be another occurrence to ascertain its presumed cause.

Law of Coincidence will always happen, but it doesn't always mean occurrences that come to ascertain the cause of initial occurrence are actually right. They are not at all time right. In my analysis, only less than 10% of them are right.

Remember the word "Presumed" it means, law of coincident acts on your assumption. This law could have been said to have been as a result of Law of Attraction, but the real cause is divine. It means, if something happen and you are already thinking of what the cause is, something will happen to convince you of what you think as the cause whereas, you might be wrong. This does not happen because you think of it that is why it cannot be said to be Law of Attraction. The cause seems divine, no one determines it. But is there an antidote?

Before we check the antidote, let me ask these questions.

Have you ever wondered why when someone is shot dead and it is clear to everyone the victim died of the gunshot, the police will still want to conduct autopsy on the corpse. Have you tried to know why? Having known that the person was shot dead, is there any need for autopsy?

The police always conduct autopsy because they have been trained not to assume. Reason: Law of Coincidence. It means certain things happen, but the obvious and assumed causes are not really the causes. The person might have died just immediately the gun was shot, but another thing might have caused his death, not the gun shot.

Regardless of how sure you think you are, how obvious and undisputable you think causes of things are, never assume the cause at the detriment of anyone. Always try to know the real cause of things. This requires a virtue, it is called: Patience. Instead of assuming, ask questions.

However, permit me to tell you that patience has limitation in Mechanism of understanding. It usually runs out. How do we keep it going?

I once sent a quote out saying: “The greatest Art of communication is the Art of seeing in the other people’s perspectives and sympathizing with them. I also sent another one out saying: “one of the worst forms of blindness that has so much plagued the world is the blindness to see with the other person's eyes.” I must tell you that the two quotes mean the same thing, but entrenched in different ways.  They are referring to one single thing: “empathy.” Without this, the world will become a war zone and if you say the world has become a war zone already, it is because of lack of empathy or conscious ignorance of it.

Can someone define what empathy is?

EMMANUELLA: Empathy simply means the ability to feel what another person is feeling.

ADEJOKE: Capacity to understand another person's point of view or the act of it.

Intellectual identification of thoughts, feelings or state of another person.

SOUL'E RHYMEZ: Good, the two given above are correct, but let me define it in another way.  Empathy is paranormal ability to physically read another person's emotions.

Empathy is a very great trait essential for living, some people don't know it while most people consciously ignores it. The only profession in which you are trained not to use empathy is military and this is because they are trained for war. So if the world has become a war zone, it is because of lack of empathy or conscious ignorance of it. The greatest art of communication is seeing in another people’s perspectives and sympathizing with them. Take the word "sympathizing" it is derived from empathy, and it simply means, without empathy, communications will always be faulty and if communication is faulty, we have misinterpretations and misinterpretations leads to anger, anger leads to quarrel and this may degenerate to war.

It will be easier to sympathize if you understand why someone does things they do, but most times we don't really understand them. Most of us are not skilled in reading people, we are so stereotyped, that all we want to believe are the things we already presumed. This is a major cause of anger. For instance, if you already thought somebody disrespected you by acting in a certain way; won't you get angry to stop such act? But that might not be the person's intention.

I have written a poem for someone and the person stopped talking to me because of the poem. I mean an ode. I praised the person's qualities, but I tell you, till today we are not friends. What's responsible for this? She simply didn't see with my own eyes; understand that mine was only a sincere appreciation of her person and it cost us a lot.

In the same manner, many sincere acts have been misinterpreted and they lead to serious damage of persons and relationships. I once read about an army lady, who beat and ordered to be beaten to a pulp, a young man for saying she is beautiful. That was bad. Sincere appreciation landed him in the hospital, half dead. People said the woman was wicked, but that's not it. She was only blind to see with the man's eyes. She thought that man was mocking her. Anyone will be right to tag her “wicked” if she knew it was a sincere appreciation and still acted thus. The same reason why she beat the man up is the same reason why telling a religious girl on the street, how beautiful she is makes you her enemy and a potential destiny killer if she doesn’t like you. This is caused by misinterpretation of people’s actions out of blindness to see with their eyes.

Without understanding why people do what they do, there always will be problems. Always try as much to look beyond your presumed cause of certain occurrences and see the real causes. I tell you, anger, bitterness and quest for revenge will be far from you. It is also very important to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Jesus made the most correct and efficient psychological statement on interpersonal relationship. He said; “do unto others what you want to be done to you”. He didn't say what you will do to yourself, you could hurt yourself. He didn't say what people do to you, which will be revenge. But knowing that we don't want people to hurt us and we always expect the best from them, he said, that which you expect people to do to you, do it to them first. I tell you, if we can do this, the world will become a better place and we will automatically practice the greatest art of communication without stress.

Let us be patient, and try as much to understand why people do things they do. Dig deep into their intentions and sympathize with them. Even though there are rare cases, in which you do not have to sympathize with people, but I tell you, if you do it when you ought to, you can even convert the devil to believe in Jesus Christ as his Lord.

While we work on our patience and ability to know the exact reason why people do what they do, we need to remember it is an art and in every art, there is an act. You need to act. What is the act? Since you can assume wrong reasons why people do things they do, it is also possible to assume right reasons why they act the way they do. Instead of getting angry when she is not answering your calls, assume she is busy. Instead of thinking she's a slut sleeping around; assume she is helpless and needs help. Instead of thinking he's useless and an ordinary area boy, assume he did not have good up keep and home training. Take the fault away from people and with that, you will have no reason to get angry, nurse bitterness and revenge, all of which are attributes of hate. And without all these, won't the world be a better place?

That's what Mechanism of Understanding can do.

At this point, I will love to call it a day. I say a big thank you to all of you, for the great opportunity to learn together with you. Thanks for your utmost cooperation, thanks for the decorum. My sincere appreciation also goes to Oluwajuwon Temitope, who corresponded to LitraNation, Fr33zinPaul, who corresponded to PoetryCourt, Princess Shirley and Rashmita, who both corresponded to SRAF 2 and Oyindamola, the moderator. Big thanks to all of you, till we meet again, my name is Soul'e Rhymez. Goodnight.

YOUR DADDY: Dope lecture I must say, it's indeed a blessing been here.

PRINCE UMO: I want to say a very big thank you to Soul’e Rhymez for taking out time to educate us on the important of "Mechanism of Understanding"

May God bless you sir. I learned a lot!

TWILLY: Great lecture Soul'e…

ABIODUN: Thanks for the lecture Soul’e Rhymez

I was and am blessed. More wisdom and blessing in abundant.

Moderator:

Oyindamola Temitope

Editors:

Oluwajuwon Temitope

Eneji Stephen Toluwalashe (Soul’e Rhymez)

Neofloetry Aleme

Correspondents:

Paul Njoku (Fr33zinPaul)

Princess Shirley

Rashmita Gabriel