YOU MUST LOVE ME; THE BATTLE OF THE MIND YOU CAN NEVER WIN
(An Online Lecture, delivered by Soul’e Rhymez)
Venue: SRAF WhatsApp group
Date: Saturday, 9th of April, 2016
Time: 08:30pm.
Soul'e Rhymez: Good evening great ladies and perfect gentlemen, my name is Eneji Stephen Toluwalase, popularly known as Soul'e Rhymez and I am a student of LIFE.
The topic of today's lecture is: “YOU MUST LOVE ME; THE BATTLE OF THE MIND YOU CAN NEVER WIN”
But before we continue, could anyone tell us what love is; I mean the definition of love?
Vabec: Love is a passion stronger than lust.
Brian: lies e is a feeling of care towards someone or something.
Uloma: Love is having deep and warm feeling toward oneself or another.
Happiness: Love is strong affection.
Michael O. S: I believe Love is not just a feeling. It's simply the extent to which you could go for someone. Simply put, Love is sacrifice!
Soul'e Rhymez: Enough for now.
Thanks to you all. We got the idea we are looking for in the definitions provided already, everyone who has defined love is right.
Now let me come with more profound definition of love, to serve as a foundation for this lecture.
Love is a Godly trait in human beings that makes them nurture and preserve their lives.
I guess that's understood.
Uloma: No
Princess Shally: Yes
Soul'e Rhymez: Uloma, write your question down, we will address it later, but we have to move on now because of time.
Uloma: ok.
Soul'e Rhymez: Now that we know the meaning of love, it is obvious we all want certain people to love us and we don't give a damn about some people if they don't love us, am I right or wrong?
Oyindamola: Right.
Soul'e Rhymez: Good, we are not dealing with people whose love you don't need tonight, but people who you want their attention at all cost, who you go lengths just to satisfy them and make them love you, those people that their words hurt you most, who you think you can't live without.
Those are the people we are dealing with tonight; however, we are not dealing with them directly, but in your subconscious mind.
Sincerely, do you have people like this, and why do you think you love them so much and always want their attention? Anyone with sincere reason?
Uloma : yeah.
Soul'e Rhymez: What I mean is that do you have people you feel you want their love so much that you always want them to love you just as much?
Uloma: Yeah!
Soul'e Rhymez: Please tell us who this is, Uloma
Uloma: His name is Michael, he's my 1st love and someone who deflowered me, as my 1st love, he's love is always in my heart.
Soul'e Rhymez: You actually tried to make him love you?
Uloma: yeah
Soul'e Rhymez: And did he love you?
Uloma: Not sure.
Soul'e Rhymez: Good.
At this point, I will confidently tell you that trying to make anyone love you is a very wrong thing to do; it is a battle of the mind that you can never win.
Princess Shally: I'm following
Uloma: Huh
Jejeniwa Olami: thumbs up!
Becky: Wah
Soul'e Rhymez: People choose who they love and regardless of how good you are to them, you might not be the one they will choose.
Uloma: Hmmm
Soul'e Rhymez: It took me six years of my life to learn this lesson and I will relate it with you; this is six years of learning converted to 2 hours lecture.
Funke: Wow.
Lekan: wow! This is getting interesting tonight...
Soul'e Rhymez: In the same line, there is something I call VVIP SYNDROME, it makes you want to be the most important person in the other person's life, you always want them to recognize you. I tell you, this is also more futile than pouring water in a basket.
Brian: True
Soul'e Rhymez: People choose who the most important person in their life is; their reasons are known to them and often contradict what you think it is or that you have been doing.
Michael O. S: Hmmm
Ibrahimovic: Truth,
Richard: Thumbs up!
Becky: True
Lekan: claps,
Soul'e Rhymez: Look, only a few things in life could be more frustrating than trying to make someone who does not like you to like you, it is like telling Jesus to bow to Satan.
Let me relate certain personal experiences to you. Should I?
Happiness: Yeah
Oyindamola: Sure
Salgrace: please do
Michael O. S: sure...
Lekan YMLM: please do
Princess Shally: Yeah
Adeniyi: noting it down,
Jcv: Hmmmmm
Soul'e Rhymez: When I was a teenager, I was quite a brilliant dude and this was made known in the teenage church I attended. However, I wasn't the ladies' Man, I religiously set my priority on religious beliefs and put any girl I might want in the frame. Our pastor often talkend about a young lady who got into university at just 18 and I was fascinated, he so much praised this girl's intelligence that I couldn't wait to see her and being not too dull too. I felt we will make a great couple, at the end of a semester, she showed up and finally, I felt I had met my dreamed girl, I began to see my wife in her and all sort, but that was the beginning of the end.
Funke: Hmmm...
Rashmita Gab: jotting and following, so interesting.
Soul'e Rhymez: I saw what I wanted to see; a Godly and intelligent girl and it kept drawing me to her even as she made it known from the very first time we talked that she doesn't like me at all. Her words: "I agree you want to be my friend, but you will have to prove to me over time to convince me I should be your friend" with this statement, I was in 5 years prison of trying to make her like me and be my friend, but I tell you, such battle is never won, the more I tried to make her like me, the more I succeeded in making her dislike me.
Look, I was the problem of my own self for trying to make her like me, but the question is, what was responsible for it?
Could anyone guess?
Princess Shally: Love
Ngozi: You didn't understand yourself
Salgrace: pretending to be some else you are wither, which she hated.
Soul'e Rhymez: Great points. However, Ngozi is right, I thought it was love and it took me another four years to understand it wasn't love really loving her, but the perceived qualities which I wanted.
Now let me explain of clearly, it could not have been love for her, rather, despite I never thought of having sex with her; it was lust.
Now that brings us to the definition of lust, could anyone define what lust is?
Donald: A feeling of strong desire, especially of a sexual nature. A general want or longing, not necessarily sexual.
Bella: Lust is an emotion or feeling of intense desire
in the body. The lust can take any form such
as the lust for sex, lust for expensive objects
(extravagance) or the lust for power. It can
take such mundane forms as the lust for food
as distinct from the need for food. Lust is a
psychological force producing intense wanting
for an object, or circumstance fulfilling the
emotion.
Lekan: lust is sexual attraction towards an opposite sex...
Neo: Lust is an intense desire to satisfy one's sexual appetite. It oftentimes goes under the guise of 'love'. Lust is selfish. Its emphasis is on getting something, and it demands immediate satisfaction...
Soul'e Rhymez: Good definitions, all correct, but let us look at Bella's last definition carefully. It states: Lust is a psychological force producing intense wanting for an object, or circumstance fulfilling the emotion.
That definition encapsulates other definitions. Lust is not limited to sex alone, only religion makes it so, you can lust after other things outside sex. Lust in my own word is insatiable crave for something or person.
In the case of this lady, I craved insatiably for her purported intelligence, supposed moral uprightness and perceived virginity. That couldn't be because I loved her, I actually wanted those things and I wanted her so badly because I felt she had them.
The things I wanted might be nice qualities, but I was lustful and those were the traps. Would I have loved her without them if truly the feeling was love?
After four years of learning this lesson, which is actually the fastest anyone could, I realized a lot of people suffer from this too and they might never learn their lessons.
Now, I have psychologically dissected why I kept craving for her likeness and it was only after understanding this that I stopped wanting her likeness/love.
Everyone who so much wants the other person to love them at all cost have similar reason.
Let it ring in your head from now on that one of the most fruitless things you can do with your life is to engage in the struggle of trying to make someone like you, especially someone who doesn't really like you.
Salgrace: Great point
Happiness: Ok
Soul'e Rhymez: For instance, if you are an ugly guy and a girl doesn't like you for your look, don't try to bother yourself, she can't like you except she changes her mindset because your look will always remain the same. Don't say when you have money she will come, truly she will come only to make the money, but will also go with the money. The best thing is to win this battle in your mind since you can’t her own mind, never to want anyone too much that you begin to crave for their love/likeness inevitably. It is an unwise thing to do and it shows a serious fault in your self-esteem.
Courtney: Well said
Soul'e Rhymez: If you are ugly and rich and you think she will come to you because you are rich, remember there are guys who are rich and handsome and once she has the chance to meet them, even with your money, you will be a trash. This goes for the ladies too.
Israel: true talk!
Soul'e Rhymez: Do yourself the best favor by never to wanting anyone too much that you feel you can't do without them. It is only God you can't do without. Truly there is a drop of greatness in every man, but if they are unwilling to let their greatness work for you, don't be a slave to them, move on, you have lost nothing.
Salgrace: So true
Rashmita Gab: Exactly
Israel: Wow
Soul'e Rhymez: I was talking with one of my clients who came to me with relationship issue and after looking at what she saved her boyfriend's number with "my world"; I understood why she feels hurt, demoralized and losis concentration, whenever the guy does anything she doesn't like. Without him, she has no world and saving his name with "my world" was a revelation of a lost battle in her mind.
I have heard several of my clients asked me how to make their relationship work and most times I smile because, by trying to make their relationships work, they are trying to start a battle in their mind that they can never win.
You can only make yourself work, not your relationship, because relationship involves more than you and you are most definitely lacking control of the other person or determine what or who they like.
Lekan: Interesting...
Soul'e Rhymez: You can only like/love people/, you can't make them love/like you.
That's beyond your power and it is a battle you can never win, if these people like you in return, it is not because of your efforts, though it could trigger it, but it is because they choose to, out of what they want.
Now, how do you know someone love/like you?
Could anyone proved answer to that?
Becky: Much attention to you, talking to you mostly.
Pricilla: He would always want to do anything just to make you happy
Lekan: Reciprocating your ways back..
Ngozi: By the way you are been treated.
Israel: Guess his or her behaviors.
Soul'e Rhymez: Hmmm, great points.
Rashmita Gab: ok
Victoria Ince: Ok
Soul'e Rhymez: Since, marriage and such intimate relationships like courtship and dating are all about ownership, and one must love what one owns, every point you made are all correct. Attention is right because it is the first attribute of love, but true love is in doing to the other person what you want to be done to you, not what you do to yourself or what they do to you. If you can live that way, love will be made easy for you. Have this in your mind, YOU CAN'T MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU, IF THEY DON’T! DON’T TRY TO FOCUS ON IT, LIVE YOUR LIFE.
Great People, this is where I drop my pen today.
Lekan: This is really a great lecture; I will like to appreciate the organizers of this lecture, claps!
Soul'e Rhymez: At this point, we will entertain questions. If you have any question, please ask now.
Salgrace: thumbs up, claps
Lekan: show some love by doing same...m: claps, claps!
Venue: SRAF WhatsApp group
Date: Saturday, 9th of April, 2016
Time: 08:30pm.
Soul'e Rhymez: Good evening great ladies and perfect gentlemen, my name is Eneji Stephen Toluwalase, popularly known as Soul'e Rhymez and I am a student of LIFE.
The topic of today's lecture is: “YOU MUST LOVE ME; THE BATTLE OF THE MIND YOU CAN NEVER WIN”
But before we continue, could anyone tell us what love is; I mean the definition of love?
Vabec: Love is a passion stronger than lust.
Brian: lies e is a feeling of care towards someone or something.
Uloma: Love is having deep and warm feeling toward oneself or another.
Happiness: Love is strong affection.
Michael O. S: I believe Love is not just a feeling. It's simply the extent to which you could go for someone. Simply put, Love is sacrifice!
Soul'e Rhymez: Enough for now.
Thanks to you all. We got the idea we are looking for in the definitions provided already, everyone who has defined love is right.
Now let me come with more profound definition of love, to serve as a foundation for this lecture.
Love is a Godly trait in human beings that makes them nurture and preserve their lives.
I guess that's understood.
Uloma: No
Princess Shally: Yes
Soul'e Rhymez: Uloma, write your question down, we will address it later, but we have to move on now because of time.
Uloma: ok.
Soul'e Rhymez: Now that we know the meaning of love, it is obvious we all want certain people to love us and we don't give a damn about some people if they don't love us, am I right or wrong?
Oyindamola: Right.
Soul'e Rhymez: Good, we are not dealing with people whose love you don't need tonight, but people who you want their attention at all cost, who you go lengths just to satisfy them and make them love you, those people that their words hurt you most, who you think you can't live without.
Those are the people we are dealing with tonight; however, we are not dealing with them directly, but in your subconscious mind.
Sincerely, do you have people like this, and why do you think you love them so much and always want their attention? Anyone with sincere reason?
Uloma : yeah.
Soul'e Rhymez: What I mean is that do you have people you feel you want their love so much that you always want them to love you just as much?
Uloma: Yeah!
Soul'e Rhymez: Please tell us who this is, Uloma
Uloma: His name is Michael, he's my 1st love and someone who deflowered me, as my 1st love, he's love is always in my heart.
Soul'e Rhymez: You actually tried to make him love you?
Uloma: yeah
Soul'e Rhymez: And did he love you?
Uloma: Not sure.
Soul'e Rhymez: Good.
At this point, I will confidently tell you that trying to make anyone love you is a very wrong thing to do; it is a battle of the mind that you can never win.
Princess Shally: I'm following
Uloma: Huh
Jejeniwa Olami: thumbs up!
Becky: Wah
Soul'e Rhymez: People choose who they love and regardless of how good you are to them, you might not be the one they will choose.
Uloma: Hmmm
Soul'e Rhymez: It took me six years of my life to learn this lesson and I will relate it with you; this is six years of learning converted to 2 hours lecture.
Funke: Wow.
Lekan: wow! This is getting interesting tonight...
Soul'e Rhymez: In the same line, there is something I call VVIP SYNDROME, it makes you want to be the most important person in the other person's life, you always want them to recognize you. I tell you, this is also more futile than pouring water in a basket.
Brian: True
Soul'e Rhymez: People choose who the most important person in their life is; their reasons are known to them and often contradict what you think it is or that you have been doing.
Michael O. S: Hmmm
Ibrahimovic: Truth,
Richard: Thumbs up!
Becky: True
Lekan: claps,
Soul'e Rhymez: Look, only a few things in life could be more frustrating than trying to make someone who does not like you to like you, it is like telling Jesus to bow to Satan.
Let me relate certain personal experiences to you. Should I?
Happiness: Yeah
Oyindamola: Sure
Salgrace: please do
Michael O. S: sure...
Lekan YMLM: please do
Princess Shally: Yeah
Adeniyi: noting it down,
Jcv: Hmmmmm
Soul'e Rhymez: When I was a teenager, I was quite a brilliant dude and this was made known in the teenage church I attended. However, I wasn't the ladies' Man, I religiously set my priority on religious beliefs and put any girl I might want in the frame. Our pastor often talkend about a young lady who got into university at just 18 and I was fascinated, he so much praised this girl's intelligence that I couldn't wait to see her and being not too dull too. I felt we will make a great couple, at the end of a semester, she showed up and finally, I felt I had met my dreamed girl, I began to see my wife in her and all sort, but that was the beginning of the end.
Funke: Hmmm...
Rashmita Gab: jotting and following, so interesting.
Soul'e Rhymez: I saw what I wanted to see; a Godly and intelligent girl and it kept drawing me to her even as she made it known from the very first time we talked that she doesn't like me at all. Her words: "I agree you want to be my friend, but you will have to prove to me over time to convince me I should be your friend" with this statement, I was in 5 years prison of trying to make her like me and be my friend, but I tell you, such battle is never won, the more I tried to make her like me, the more I succeeded in making her dislike me.
Look, I was the problem of my own self for trying to make her like me, but the question is, what was responsible for it?
Could anyone guess?
Princess Shally: Love
Ngozi: You didn't understand yourself
Salgrace: pretending to be some else you are wither, which she hated.
Soul'e Rhymez: Great points. However, Ngozi is right, I thought it was love and it took me another four years to understand it wasn't love really loving her, but the perceived qualities which I wanted.
Now let me explain of clearly, it could not have been love for her, rather, despite I never thought of having sex with her; it was lust.
Now that brings us to the definition of lust, could anyone define what lust is?
Donald: A feeling of strong desire, especially of a sexual nature. A general want or longing, not necessarily sexual.
Bella: Lust is an emotion or feeling of intense desire
in the body. The lust can take any form such
as the lust for sex, lust for expensive objects
(extravagance) or the lust for power. It can
take such mundane forms as the lust for food
as distinct from the need for food. Lust is a
psychological force producing intense wanting
for an object, or circumstance fulfilling the
emotion.
Lekan: lust is sexual attraction towards an opposite sex...
Neo: Lust is an intense desire to satisfy one's sexual appetite. It oftentimes goes under the guise of 'love'. Lust is selfish. Its emphasis is on getting something, and it demands immediate satisfaction...
Soul'e Rhymez: Good definitions, all correct, but let us look at Bella's last definition carefully. It states: Lust is a psychological force producing intense wanting for an object, or circumstance fulfilling the emotion.
That definition encapsulates other definitions. Lust is not limited to sex alone, only religion makes it so, you can lust after other things outside sex. Lust in my own word is insatiable crave for something or person.
In the case of this lady, I craved insatiably for her purported intelligence, supposed moral uprightness and perceived virginity. That couldn't be because I loved her, I actually wanted those things and I wanted her so badly because I felt she had them.
The things I wanted might be nice qualities, but I was lustful and those were the traps. Would I have loved her without them if truly the feeling was love?
After four years of learning this lesson, which is actually the fastest anyone could, I realized a lot of people suffer from this too and they might never learn their lessons.
Now, I have psychologically dissected why I kept craving for her likeness and it was only after understanding this that I stopped wanting her likeness/love.
Everyone who so much wants the other person to love them at all cost have similar reason.
Let it ring in your head from now on that one of the most fruitless things you can do with your life is to engage in the struggle of trying to make someone like you, especially someone who doesn't really like you.
Salgrace: Great point
Happiness: Ok
Soul'e Rhymez: For instance, if you are an ugly guy and a girl doesn't like you for your look, don't try to bother yourself, she can't like you except she changes her mindset because your look will always remain the same. Don't say when you have money she will come, truly she will come only to make the money, but will also go with the money. The best thing is to win this battle in your mind since you can’t her own mind, never to want anyone too much that you begin to crave for their love/likeness inevitably. It is an unwise thing to do and it shows a serious fault in your self-esteem.
Courtney: Well said
Soul'e Rhymez: If you are ugly and rich and you think she will come to you because you are rich, remember there are guys who are rich and handsome and once she has the chance to meet them, even with your money, you will be a trash. This goes for the ladies too.
Israel: true talk!
Soul'e Rhymez: Do yourself the best favor by never to wanting anyone too much that you feel you can't do without them. It is only God you can't do without. Truly there is a drop of greatness in every man, but if they are unwilling to let their greatness work for you, don't be a slave to them, move on, you have lost nothing.
Salgrace: So true
Rashmita Gab: Exactly
Israel: Wow
Soul'e Rhymez: I was talking with one of my clients who came to me with relationship issue and after looking at what she saved her boyfriend's number with "my world"; I understood why she feels hurt, demoralized and losis concentration, whenever the guy does anything she doesn't like. Without him, she has no world and saving his name with "my world" was a revelation of a lost battle in her mind.
I have heard several of my clients asked me how to make their relationship work and most times I smile because, by trying to make their relationships work, they are trying to start a battle in their mind that they can never win.
You can only make yourself work, not your relationship, because relationship involves more than you and you are most definitely lacking control of the other person or determine what or who they like.
Lekan: Interesting...
Soul'e Rhymez: You can only like/love people/, you can't make them love/like you.
That's beyond your power and it is a battle you can never win, if these people like you in return, it is not because of your efforts, though it could trigger it, but it is because they choose to, out of what they want.
Now, how do you know someone love/like you?
Could anyone proved answer to that?
Becky: Much attention to you, talking to you mostly.
Pricilla: He would always want to do anything just to make you happy
Lekan: Reciprocating your ways back..
Ngozi: By the way you are been treated.
Israel: Guess his or her behaviors.
Soul'e Rhymez: Hmmm, great points.
Rashmita Gab: ok
Victoria Ince: Ok
Soul'e Rhymez: Since, marriage and such intimate relationships like courtship and dating are all about ownership, and one must love what one owns, every point you made are all correct. Attention is right because it is the first attribute of love, but true love is in doing to the other person what you want to be done to you, not what you do to yourself or what they do to you. If you can live that way, love will be made easy for you. Have this in your mind, YOU CAN'T MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU, IF THEY DON’T! DON’T TRY TO FOCUS ON IT, LIVE YOUR LIFE.
Great People, this is where I drop my pen today.
Lekan: This is really a great lecture; I will like to appreciate the organizers of this lecture, claps!
Soul'e Rhymez: At this point, we will entertain questions. If you have any question, please ask now.
Salgrace: thumbs up, claps
Lekan: show some love by doing same...m: claps, claps!
Adeniyi: claps
Brian: Claps!
Princess Shally: claps!
Rashmita Gab: wow! That’s splendid. Claps
Adeniyi: Marvels!
Dolapo: claps, thumbs up!
Dickson: claps! First of all, a very big thanks to our speaker
Tolani: Sometimes people pretend not to love you whereas they really do. How do you go about that?
Soul'e Rhymez: Good one Tolani,
Let me address your question psychologically. Tolani, you said sometimes people pretend not to love you when they do and you want a way out of such. The best way is to stop making excuses for the person. How did you know he loves you? Love can never be hidden; it is more in actions than in words, thus, how do you know the guy love you and pretends not to? Do guys really do that? Rather, they won't love you and will pretend they do. Get wisdom, win the battle in your mind, the problem is with you, not with him. Stop looking for excuses to remain with him except you are okay being treated like a trash. Love can't be hidden so stop making excuses for your inability to win it in your mind. Let's talk private tomorrow.
Victoria Ince: I agree Soul’e.
Ngozi: I also have a question…
In situation where you love someone and he love, but he doesn't believe you love and he is asking for a proof, but his proof is not what you can do, what do you do?
Soul'e Rhymez: Ngozi, if I may ask, what is the proof that the guy wants?
Ngozi: sex and other intimate things which I don't approve of.
Soul'e Rhymez: OK ma, has he given you money or buy you gifts?
Ngozi: Yes
Soul'e Rhymez: And you collected?
Ngozi: But I didn't ask for them.
Soul'e Rhymez: Just a simple answer! He gave money, gifts and you collected?
Ngozi: Yes I collected
Soul’e Rhymez: Look Ngozi, you have to understand that dating, whether it will lead to marriage or not are about ownership first before love comes in. The guy is not wrong to ask you for a proof of your love for him, which is sex. He could have paid prostitutes the same money he's giving you, but he didn’t because he wants to show he love you and hope you will do the same by giving sex. I tell you, you are guilty of not giving him sex. Let me sound it to you and I will like you to read DATING AND HEARTBREAK on soulerhymez.blogspot.com to find out more. No matter how holy you think any man is, no man will come to ask you for dating without having sex in mind; it is the foundation stone of such relationship and not giving it means you are just friends. It is simple, regardless of what you initially agreed on, stop collecting his gifts if you won't give him sex. If you believe sex is only for married people, why date in the first place? Agreeing to date someone is like saying "I want us to start caring more and make love to each other" by not giving the sex, you broke the vow already. It is simple, if you are not ready for sex and sexual activities, don't date, remain friends. Thanks
Dickson: I wish more light be shed on the following terms for some intellectual reasons: 1} love, 2} like. Are they interchangeable in this context?
Soul'e Rhymez: Now to the last question which is also an intelligent question, I wish to start by saying likeness and love are not the same, thought they most times works hand in hand, but they are not interchangeable. Likeness can influence love, most especially when the pride of ownership is involved like dating and marriage. However, it is also possible to love without liking, though very hard, but possible. Ugly people who know they are ugly yet wear good clothes; makeup and try to look good are only showing love to their bodies even though they don't like them and secretly wish for a better bodies. Therefore, love is possible without likeness. With this I will advise that we love people even when we don't like them and since we don't most times have to own them, it is a possibility.
Thank you all for your participation in the lecture, it is great to have you here, a very big thanks to our special guest, a very good friend of mine and a psychologist from Trinidad & Tobago, Victoria Ince. Thanks for being here, SRAF love you.
Thanks to our correspondents in the persons of: Princess Shirly and Sinaida Becky Muru, both based in Jordan. We appreciate your selfless efforts.
Thank you SRAF… once again we did it… Great Minds making difference!
Brian: Claps!
Princess Shally: claps!
Rashmita Gab: wow! That’s splendid. Claps
Adeniyi: Marvels!
Dolapo: claps, thumbs up!
Dickson: claps! First of all, a very big thanks to our speaker
Tolani: Sometimes people pretend not to love you whereas they really do. How do you go about that?
Soul'e Rhymez: Good one Tolani,
Let me address your question psychologically. Tolani, you said sometimes people pretend not to love you when they do and you want a way out of such. The best way is to stop making excuses for the person. How did you know he loves you? Love can never be hidden; it is more in actions than in words, thus, how do you know the guy love you and pretends not to? Do guys really do that? Rather, they won't love you and will pretend they do. Get wisdom, win the battle in your mind, the problem is with you, not with him. Stop looking for excuses to remain with him except you are okay being treated like a trash. Love can't be hidden so stop making excuses for your inability to win it in your mind. Let's talk private tomorrow.
Victoria Ince: I agree Soul’e.
Ngozi: I also have a question…
In situation where you love someone and he love, but he doesn't believe you love and he is asking for a proof, but his proof is not what you can do, what do you do?
Soul'e Rhymez: Ngozi, if I may ask, what is the proof that the guy wants?
Ngozi: sex and other intimate things which I don't approve of.
Soul'e Rhymez: OK ma, has he given you money or buy you gifts?
Ngozi: Yes
Soul'e Rhymez: And you collected?
Ngozi: But I didn't ask for them.
Soul'e Rhymez: Just a simple answer! He gave money, gifts and you collected?
Ngozi: Yes I collected
Soul’e Rhymez: Look Ngozi, you have to understand that dating, whether it will lead to marriage or not are about ownership first before love comes in. The guy is not wrong to ask you for a proof of your love for him, which is sex. He could have paid prostitutes the same money he's giving you, but he didn’t because he wants to show he love you and hope you will do the same by giving sex. I tell you, you are guilty of not giving him sex. Let me sound it to you and I will like you to read DATING AND HEARTBREAK on soulerhymez.blogspot.com to find out more. No matter how holy you think any man is, no man will come to ask you for dating without having sex in mind; it is the foundation stone of such relationship and not giving it means you are just friends. It is simple, regardless of what you initially agreed on, stop collecting his gifts if you won't give him sex. If you believe sex is only for married people, why date in the first place? Agreeing to date someone is like saying "I want us to start caring more and make love to each other" by not giving the sex, you broke the vow already. It is simple, if you are not ready for sex and sexual activities, don't date, remain friends. Thanks
Dickson: I wish more light be shed on the following terms for some intellectual reasons: 1} love, 2} like. Are they interchangeable in this context?
Soul'e Rhymez: Now to the last question which is also an intelligent question, I wish to start by saying likeness and love are not the same, thought they most times works hand in hand, but they are not interchangeable. Likeness can influence love, most especially when the pride of ownership is involved like dating and marriage. However, it is also possible to love without liking, though very hard, but possible. Ugly people who know they are ugly yet wear good clothes; makeup and try to look good are only showing love to their bodies even though they don't like them and secretly wish for a better bodies. Therefore, love is possible without likeness. With this I will advise that we love people even when we don't like them and since we don't most times have to own them, it is a possibility.
Thank you all for your participation in the lecture, it is great to have you here, a very big thanks to our special guest, a very good friend of mine and a psychologist from Trinidad & Tobago, Victoria Ince. Thanks for being here, SRAF love you.
Thanks to our correspondents in the persons of: Princess Shirly and Sinaida Becky Muru, both based in Jordan. We appreciate your selfless efforts.
Thank you SRAF… once again we did it… Great Minds making difference!
If you have issues with your relationship and you feel you want the best psychological solution to it, contact Soul'e Rhymez on: +2348163800077
Compiled and edited by Ibidokun Oyindamola Temitope from Nigeria.
waoo that's a good Job bravo to the Editor
ReplyDeleteTHANKS hellen
ReplyDelete