WHY YOU SHOULD TAKE A BREAK FROM YOURSELF


A few days ago I wrote a poem titled “Victim of Love” of the stanzas of the poem goes thus:

Something was lost in me,
I did not know what it was,
I searched north, south, west and east,
Yet I can’t find it,
I am empty, something important is lost,
Love is gone, and away from me!

The above stanza of the poem described my exact feeling that night I went to see some of my clan after months without communication, I was empty, I just really didn’t know why. After seeing my people, the emptiness was still there, so went to a bar. Of all things, going to a bar seems wrong at that time, but I was clueless, I didn’t know what I wanted: something was lost in me; I did not know what it was.

One of the call-girls at the bar came to meet me as a prospective customer, staying in the bar made me one. I told her, “listen, I do not want sex, what I need is love”. Oh yes! I discovered what was lost in me: Love! But I was in the wrong place to seek love and I was demanding it from the wrong person. The call-girl did not have love to offer, so she left me, I took the next bus home; I needed to figure out what was happening to me.



Did I really need love? It seemed so, I was empty and only love could fill the vacuum, not just sex.
I got into a long conversation with a female friend of mine, this conversation let to write the poem which I shared early the next morning.
That poem put me in the level of every other human being, who for the past 5 months of my life I have proven to be superior to. No doubt, I was 100% emotional, the self-acclaimed god cried for love like mere men.

After reading the poem, one of my audiences, who has set himself aside as an antagonist, but has been shut off by my seeming uncritical nature, found an opportunity to attack the warrior whose defenses seemed gone. He sent me a response which was as long as the poem; he questioned my safety and also stated my limited understanding of love. He stated that a self-acclaimed genius like me should love differently from other men and never feel bad if I am rejected by someone I love.
That poem reduced me from the status of a god to mere man, his response was evident.

Questioning my understanding of love was a perfect Irony, as I was the first person to rightfully define love in a lecture titled “The trait called love”, I understood what love is and how it works, but I was fast becoming the victim of my own lecture.
I ran a psychological analysis of my life and why I felt that way, dating back to the last 5 months of my life; the exact time I made my decision to become rich within a certain period of time.
Below is the stat:

Within the last 5 months,
I have made more money by my own efforts than I have made in years before,
I have received more ideas on how to make money than I have in the previous years,
I have written fewer poems and have attended fewer events than I have done in the previous months,
I have lost more than 5 serious relationships with resourceful ladies; I dissolved most of them because I could not create time for them, I have no relationship with anyone, but myself alone, I have no friend; I only create foes.
I have given fewer in this period than I have done in my entire life, I just wanted more.
I feel more unfulfilled and miserable than I have in my entire life.

The above stat shows my uncontrollable obsession for riches and inability to take a break from myself.
 Somehow I have managed to remain honest in my dealings, but that was not enough, I was not fulfilled despite I was making money. Something was lost, something that I have in abundance, something that everybody has, something that I thought left me, but was always with me, this thing is LOVE.

I wanted more love and was not giving any. I thought I needed love, but I have actually left a lot of people suffering from my inability to show them love. I remember my friend from Trinidad & Tobago telling me before she left. “I pity your next girlfriend, she will suffer the same way I suffered, you are always busy” this actually happened, I dissolved more than 5 relationships within 5 months, any of these could have led to intimacy, perhaps marriage. They all complained of the same thing: “Stephen is always busy; he does not have my time”.
                                                                                                                               
I was overly ambitious and self-centered. This often starts with the quest to prove points to people, whether as their superior or to be accepted by them. My case was for both reasons. I had an inordinate ambition, not because it is bad to be rich, but because I had all wrong reasons for it. I rediscovered myself in my conversation with my female friend when she said “even with money, I might not like you”. That was very hurtful reality, because she was one major reason why I wanted to be rich, I just wanted to be accepted by her, even though it was only in my subconscious mind.    

I have discovered that quest to prove points to people either as their superior to them or to be accepted by them is one reason why some people become addicted to drugs, nicotine, engage in cultism, money ritual, sex and most times goes into prostitution and pornography. Focusing on yourself; what you want alone renders you very obstinate, even though you might not notice it; you become very inconsiderate and shows no kindness at all.  All that matters is for you to get what you want.

I have been able to learn in this little while, a lesson that might take some people years to learn: “money does not bring fulfillment! If you think you need more money to be fulfilled, perish the thought, money only enhances happiness after it is gotten, it does not bring fulfillment.” Grab a vision, it will give you an ambition, putting your ambition ahead of your vision will only leave you miserable, self-centered and you will have no life.

Most people you call celebrities don’t have lives, because they live to prove points to people, they just want more, this leaves most of them on the field making the money, but never becoming fulfilled. This is more reason why they often fail in marriage, it is not about marriage; failure in marriage only shows they don’t have life outside showbiz. Share the love you have, care about those around you, strive never to be better than anyone, but yourself and you will be fulfilled whether you have money or not.

Making money is not bad. Despite discovering my faults; it still won’t stop me from becoming extremely rich, because I have checked the reason why I need money. It is no longer about me wanting to be superior to certain people or  be accepted by them, I now want to make money, because I have problems to solve with it, not my problems alone, but that of others. Do the same and you will find fulfillment.

Written by Soul’e Rhymez
Poet & Public Speaker, Lagos, Nigeria.

For questions or invitation to events, call +2348163800077 or send email to soulerhymez@gmail.com.

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