THE ART OF APPRECIATION IN RELATIONSHIP

(An Online Lecture Delivered by Soul’e Rhymez)

INTRODUCTION

The place of appreciation can never be overemphasized in any relationship, it is even more vital in intimate relationships. In intimate relationships, there is no one who doesn’t want to be appreciated by their partners, we only have people, that die in silence and those that hope their partners will do so one day.

The problem is not that people don’t want to appreciate their partners; most of them don’t actually know what it entails. 

According to THE ART OF APPRECIATION, a lecture delivered by Soul’e Rhymez, Gratitude is the demonstration/showing of your appreciation of what or who you know there values, worth and weight; perhaps what you’ve been given. This means, you can’t show sincere gratitude without knowing the worth of your partner.

However, there are several ways of showing gratitude in relationship and we shall take them one after the other.

ASKING QUESTIONS ABOUT YOUR PARTNER & ABOUT HIS/HER FAMILY

The first art of appreciation in relationship is asking questions as regard the personality of your partners and about their families. Knowing their strengths, what they are capable of and their weaknesses. If you are able to discover all these, it will be easier to appreciate them. 

Asking questions about your partner do not only show you care, it also means you are in for a serious relationship.

Asking questions about their families, background, ambitions and visions of your partners pass a message that you want to be a part of their lives, making efforts to introduce them to yours show you are responsible.

The first sign to know if someone actually wants build a serious relationship with you is by asking questions about you and your family.

Refusing to know more about your partners send a message to them that they are not relevant to you

Asking questions and making effort to meet the family of your partners say a lot about how much you value them. Not doing so shows you are a player; who has only come to take advantage of them and leave.

CONVERSATIONS

In this part of the world, the ladies sit down like the queens and expect the guys to always initiate conversations. This is a faulty mentality, regardless of its origin. It shows you don’t appreciate your partner’s efforts. I guess the ladies think making the first attempt to converse with their partners make them cheap, if that’s it, then they all need to learn more.

Conversation is a vital aspect of communication in relationship and it must not be one-sided.

Both parties should start making efforts to initiate conversations. If your partner initiates conversation, whether through calls or messages, make effort to reciprocate before he/she does it again.

Waiting for your partners to always initiate conversations is a way of telling them they forcing themselves on you.

If you want to prove to your partner you value their efforts to always reach out to you, make effort to initiate conversations with them.

UNDERSTANDING YOUR PARTNER’S MOOD

Another art of appreciation in relationship is the art of understanding the mood of your partner.

You have to study them know when they are annoyed and when they are joking.

Many relationships have broken up as a result of no knowing when to do and when not to do certain things.

This will requires taking a break from yourself; how you feel and what you want at the moment, but to make any relationship work, it worth it.

I once stopped contemplating to date a Lady, because she doesn’t know when I’m joking and I’m serious, maybe she just disregards them. When I tell her something serious, she will respond with “duuuh” and when I type long message of how much I love her, she will respond with “hmmmm”. It pisses me off and I stopped thinking of dating her.

Making a joke of serious issues in relationship sends a message that you don’t value/appreciate your partner.

One of the best ways to show you appreciate the personality of your partner is to understand his/her moods and how to deal with them more than any other person.

This takes much study, patience and perseverance. Don’t just sit down, expecting your partner to study you when you won’t do the same. Nothing can make your partner happier than when you understand their moods and know how to deal with them, but you must also work on your own mood to complement theirs.

GIVING

Giving is a vital art when it comes to appreciation in relationship. You can give without loving, but there is no way you can claim you love without giving. However, giving, though includes all these; money, gifts and other material things, it is not limited to them. Sometime it is your attention, your moral support, advice, encouragement, pat on the back, sex, public hugs and kisses which is a dramatic way of saying you are proud of your partner.

In relationship, everyone have what to give, you just have to be willing to make sacrifices to appreciate your partner.

Share with your partner, those things that make your life better, in other to make their lives better too. This is one of the most effective ways of showing appreciation.

Giving in relationship should not be to make your partner give you another thing in return, but to make them better people. 

The way you give also matters in a relationship, give cheerfully, not to show off. Giving to show off does not appreciate your partner; it rather makes mockery of them. 

Don’t give and use it against them, as if their lives depend on your giving, that reduce them to mere tools.

RESPECT

One of the reasons why we have a lot of breakup of relationships nowadays is because people overlook the place of respect when they are in love. They probably never realize love can never replace respect in any relationship. An act of disrespect from your partner pains more than continuous disrespect from outsiders. Not telling your partner when you are going out or where you are going, taking what belongs to them without permission to do so, shows gross disregard even though you might not mean it that way. However, the later does not matter to some people, but everyone wants it.  When you take the corrections suggested by your partner, it gives certain feeling of fulfillment, relevance and control; it shows you respect them, so if you are not going to do as they have suggested, politely tell them the reason for declining.

Feel free to allow your partner the glory of changing you, it shows you respect them.

Applauding the opinions of your partners before even attempting to change them shows you respect them, doing otherwise is disrespect.

Never run roughshod on the feelings and opinions of your partners, even if they are wrong, it makes them feel disrespected by you and it is a big threat to your relationship.

Also, never ignore addressing your partners by their titles, the least of which is Mr. /Mrs., whenever it matters, it is also a sign of respect.

No one wants to be in relationship with someone that does not respect them.

Respecting your partner is a way of appreciating their efforts and personalities. Regardless of how much you have given to make your relationships work, never disrespect your partners. Sometimes, respecting your partners, especially publicly is the most valuable gift you can give them. This shows you appreciate their personality.

CRITICISM

This is needed to make your partner better and blossom your love life if you do it skillfully and with love. A lot of people fail to criticize their partners, because they do not want to hurt them. They are afraid of losing such relationship or being seen as an antagonist, but to make your loved ones better, you have to criticize their wrongs.

According to THE IMAGE OF GOD, a book written by Soul’e Rhymez,  fear is an attribute of hate, while boldness is an attribute of love, so if you are afraid to tell your partners what they doing wrong, you actually hate them.

I criticize people that I feel connected to; those that I fell are a part of my life, because I want them to get better. Many of them see my actions as antagonism, regardless of how friendly I put it, but it is actually because I love them and want them to get better. Mind you, you can avoid criticizing your partner in order to avoid their wrath, but you will be guilty of their predicaments if their wrongs eventually hurt them or end their lives.

However, criticizing your partners publicly sends a wrong message, do it privately; when you are alone with each other.

                                                         

Every man want a woman that will always loud their achievements, but they prefer the one that will never shy away from correcting their wrong doings, especially those that do it skillfully and in love.

If you are aware of what your partners’ wrong doing and make no effort to make them get better, regardless of how much you claim to love them, you are more like their intimate enemy.

To appreciate your partners, criticize them and help them find ways out of their wrong doings.

PRAISE

The act of praising people is one of the secret of the world’s smartest people. Praising the efforts of partners motivate them more than sessions of motivational speaking with hundreds of motivational speakers. Praising your partners, especially publicly is a morale booster; it gives them extra power to move on. Never overlook an opportunity to praise your partner, especially publicly; it is one of the smartest ways of appreciating your partner and keeping your relationship intact. 

Though you should criticize your partner, praise them twice as much, this will enable them to work on your criticism as if their lives depends on it. It will be very hard to make your partner accept your criticism of their efforts if you have not sufficiently praised their applaudable efforts. Always be the first to point out the good side of your partner’s efforts, this will give you enough influence on them and they will always look forward to hearing you comment on their efforts.

PUBLIC DEFENSE

Public defense is one of the most effective ways of telling your partners that you are very proud of them and glad to have them. Instead of criticizing your partner publicly, which will send a very wrong message, look for the right in their wrongs and defend them. Quite a lot of people often forget they are potential influence on their partners and that public defense of their partners is one of the ways to exude them.

If everyone is publicly against your partner and you can’t find any right in the wrongs he/she is accused of, keep quiet, such quietness is Golding, don’t even go defending his/her wrongs, instead, help him/her to do the right things subsequently.

Publicly defending the rights in the wrongs of your partners, regardless of the odds against them, does not only indicate you appreciate them, it is one of the best ways to make them do the right things, if balanced with private and skillful criticism.

ROMANCE

This is far beyond sexual intercourse, it is the actual display of how much you value your partner and want them. It includes hugging, kissing, how you present your words, your gifts, how you present them to people. The use of pet names can never be underestimated in relationship, figuring out the type of pet name your partner is comfortable with, is not only romantic, it sends a message to them that they are special to you. If I am allowed to suggest pet names, I will suggest you go with names that demonstrate that you respect their involvement with you.

Names like, “mommy” “Daddy”, “My King,” “My Queen” My Princess” “My Prince and so on. This name shows you love and respect them.

Helping your partner to do certain works such as: washing of under wears, doing house shores, where it is unethical for you to do so, helping to make them up, checking their outfit, buying them under-wears and the likes does not only show you are romantic, it makes them feel they are not being used and dumped; boosts their self-esteem. It brings some sense of connection and bond with your partner; it makes them feel really appreciated and valued. Walking with your partner on the road and hanging your hands around them or kissing them on the road is romantic and also boost their self-esteem; makes them feel loved and valued.

RECIPROCATION OF APPRECIATION

According to Soul’e Rhymez, “a lot of people often forget that when it comes to appreciation, “to whom much is given; much more is also expected.” This is also applicable in intimate relationship. Reciprocation of acts of appreciation in your relationship helps you to grow and get better. No one wants to be fooled, but no reciprocating an act of appreciation is a way of making a fool of your partner.

The least way you can reciprocate an act of reciprocation is by saying “thank you”, not doing so could tells of how ungrateful you are.

When your partner call, call back, when he buys you a gift, complement him the best way you can. Always take initiative to reciprocate the acts of appreciation from your partner, regardless of how small. However, sometimes your reciprocation could be in form of improved and cheerful lovemaking.

THE ART OF LOVE MAKING

The place of lovemaking can never be overemphasized in any intimate relationship, especially when you are married, in fact, that’s why it is called intimate. If you believe sexual activities are exclusive to the married, stay off dating or be involved with a partner that shares the same belief.

Lovemaking is an art to be learnt and it requires you to focus on the sexual needs of your partner and satisfy them first before requesting to be worked on. 

Having sex is for selfish folks, but making love is an art for the matured and selfless minds.

Foreplay is a vital aspect of lovemaking; in fact, it is one of the major differences between having sex and making love.

Always be excited about the prospect of making love to your partner, it is one of the loudest ways of demonstrating you appreciate them. No one enjoys making love to someone, who is sexually inactive and always give the impression of being used and dumped. Nothing kills relationship faster than inactive lovemaking. It is not about the frequency, it is about the skills.

In the art of lovemaking, blowjob boosts the man’s ego and gives him the feeling of champions, while cunnilingus boosts the lady’s self-esteem and gives her the feeling of queenly acceptance.

These arts of lovemaking that shows you appreciate and adore the body of your partner.

Except based on mutual agreement, one should not be done without another.

Forcing your partner to sex is a crime and doesn’t boost their self-esteem or appreciate their person. In the art of lovemaking, you have to learn to respect your partner’s body, it takes real sacrifice to want to make love to you and request nothing in return except that you be faithful, thus, you should not take it for granted if anyone surrenders their body to you. When it comes to lovemaking, no one is cheap, we only have people who want to love and feel loved.

If you think anyone is cheap to release their body to you; then you are cheaper to have accepted them.