THE ART OF APPRECIATION
INTRODUCTION
I once stated: “there is no one who
does not want to be appreciated for things they do, we only have people that
shy away from it.” In the same light I also warned thus: “never overlook the
opportunity to appreciate people, it is the smartest way to live. If appreciating
people is the smartest way to live; it means to be smart at all, you have to
develop the art of appreciation. Unfortunately, a lot of people want to live
smart without showing appreciation.
Appreciation is the only thing that
can spur God into action and this has been seen many times. If appreciation can
move God, who else can it not move? However, there is a clear difference
between appreciation and flattery. Don’t go
flattering people, it backfires. Appreciating people most times takes deep
research about them and their efforts. Everyone loves to be appreciated,
but no one loves to be flattered. However, lack of understanding has caused
people to misunderstand these two contrasting arts.
Appreciation, according to English
Dictionary is a just evaluation of merit;
recognition of excellence. It is knowing the
true value, worth and weight of something or person. Flattery, according to
Longman Dictionary is insincere praise. People often use it to get what they
want from people, but this is not the same with appreciation. While flattery is
to get what you want from people, appreciation focuses on making the person or
something to blossom and get better.
Appreciation is an
art; and like every other types arts, it takes some acts, but not insincere
acts.
The act in the art of appreciation entails, to loud people’s
efforts as if you know what it takes to do them even if don’t know. You don’t
have to wait to know the worth of people’s efforts to appreciate them. Make good
excuses to enable you show your appreciation for people’s efforts.
Sometime ago in my local church, I wanted to appreciate everyone
I knew was working so well to make the church better.
I didn’t have money to appreciate them, I was a poor student. I
realized regardless of how poor I thought I was; I could still show my sincere
appreciation. Though I was financially crippled, I figured a way out.
How on earth could I have appreciated them and they will value
it, considering my poor status and insignificance in the church?
I found a way out: A poem.
I looked out for the strong points that were common to all of
them, I stated their significance and how well they have affected people in the
church and crafted it into a poem, though it was the same poem for every one of
them, I made it look as if it was customized for each one of them.
I typed and photocopied the same poem; put it in an envelope for
each person, with their names on the back. I gave each of them with an attitude
of sincere gratitude. All of them felt special and recognized, it meant so much
them that someone felt their impacts and they were motivated to do more.
In the same vein I once went to the Pastor, who had just
preached and expressed to him, how he had influenced me with his sermon. He
confessed that made him very happy and encouraged him to do more. That’s what
demonstration/showing of appreciation does. He was so glad that he’s always on
the lookout for me whenever he’s in the church.
That was the least I could do to encourage him at that moment,
but it would have been worse, if I had kept quiet.
In the art of appreciation, the least anyone can do is to speak out
publicly in support of efforts they think are worth celebrating, to this, there
is no better substitute. It is only better if supported with another act of
gratitude.
Another act in the art of appreciation is art of remembering
people’s name and spelling them correctly. No one wants their name be spelt
wrongly, especially when they consider themselves very close to you. Not
remembering people’s names and spelling them wrongly passes a message to them
that they are irrelevant and not important to you. It is also the same with
remembering people’s birthdates; it gives people a sense of importance and
relevance to you.
I will normally let it slide if a person pronounces my name or
spell it wrongly, but it was not the same with Chiamaka, a lady I had
volunteered to work with her organization.
I got really annoyed and felt used and irrelevant when she, on
two occasions failed to spell my nickname correctly and when I asked her to
call me by my real name, she mentioned another name. Though she didn’t mean it
that way, but it was the message it passed. It was the same with Oluwaseun, who
left the church I attend, having stayed for almost 20 years, simply because the
General Overseer didn’t know his name. Making effort to remember people’s names
and their spellings is one of the most overlooked acts in the art of
appreciation, but nothing can replace it.
Though I was brilliant, people didn’t like me, because I don’t
greet.
Not greeting made people feel I undervalued/disregard them,
because I was intelligent. However, I was only an introvert.
Not greeting people, especially the elderly, might be acceptable
in the western world, but it is not the same in Africa. Greeting people tells a
lot about how respectful and well trained a kid you are. In Africa, some elders
can vouch for your innocence in crimes they know you commit, simply because you
are fond of greeting them.
Greeting people means you regard their presence and persons, not
doing so say otherwise even louder and earns you disregard return.
One of the things that limit the power of appreciation is lack
of reciprocation. A lot of people often forget that when it comes to
appreciation, “to whom much is given; much more is also expected.”
How do you fell when you greet people and they don’t answer or
they answer grudgingly?
I have written several poems for people just to demonstrate my
appreciation of their persons, but these people, mostly females, made my
efforts looked like I was a fool.
That’s the exact feeling lack of reciprocation brings in the act
of appreciation.
Most people will keep mute when you highlight how good their
efforts are, that’s bad. Some people will even say “I know I did well”, with
that, they appear really haughty and makes fool of those that appreciates them.
There are people that after a little while of not hearing from
them I send them chats like “how are you doing, it’s been awhile, just want to
know if you are okay”. Most of them won’t return the chats and some of them
will only reply with “I’m ok”, “yes” or “thnks” without asking about me or ever
taking the initiative to do so before I repeat it the next time.
That makes me think they see me as a fool, forcing myself on them.
How could I have spent my time, typing that long message and you respond with
less than six letter words that are most times abbreviated?
This shows they might not understand that acts of appreciation
deserve reciprocation or they consciously ignore it.
As an adult, if someone younger helps you out on some tasks,
with or without you asking for it, regardless of the relationship between you,
it means he/she appreciate your advanced age and experience, so, it is expected
you give a token in appreciation, and if you don’t have it, don’t withhold your
good words and prayer and highlighting how such efforts has helped you.
This will encourage him/her to continue being kind, to you and
many others too.
Not doing so will be a discouragement.
Not showing appreciation for the acts of kindness received is
one of the loudest and most convincing ways of telling people that being kind
is a serious crime.
In the art of appreciation, verbal expression can never be
underestimated or substituted, but it loses its worth under two conditions:
when not accompanied by attitude of gratitude and when better acts should have
been employed instead.
Words like “thank you”, “well-done”, “you did well”, “I’m
blessed by your efforts” and the likes that are used to appreciate others loses
their values and reduces the efficacy of appreciation in cases where it is
obvious we could do better than just words.
If I volunteered to do for free, the job you usually pay for and
despite you have the money, you didn’t give me any token, at least, half of
what you used to pay, because I volunteered to do it for free. Even if you
thank me a million times, such appreciation is mockery and does not really
appreciate.
The words loses their values in this regard, however, it will be
worse if you didn’t say them at all.
To appreciate means to increase it, therefore, if you realize to
make people do better (increase) requires just more than words and you refuse
to do what it takes, then you have not appreciated them at all. Showing appreciation
most times requires more than just the good words; it is definitely not an art
for the laze, especially the mentally lazy people, because it most times
involves taking initiatives.
Appreciating people is to focus on how to make them better or
give their best. You have to take a break from yourself to be able to appreciate
others. It is psychologically true that people that shy away from appreciating
others suffer from two diseases namely: lack of self-esteem and envy.
THE POWER OF
APPRECIATION
In the art of
appreciation, the power of appreciation is revealed in gratitude.
Gratitude is the
demonstration/showing of your appreciation of what or who you know there
values, worth and weight; perhaps what you’ve been given. Gratitude; being
grateful, except when acted to get favors, is a demonstration of appreciation,
so if you don’t know the worth and value of what people have done and who they
are, it will be difficult to show sincere gratitude towards them.
This is one major
reason why many people lag behind in the art of appreciation.
Like I mentioned
earlier, appreciation also means increase, so if you refuse to appreciate and
demonstrate/show your appreciation towards something or persons, you are
responsible for their depreciation. You simply have failed in the art of
appreciation and also failed to live a smart life.
I once mentioned that, most people give up on
their visions, not because of the multitude of people that rejected them and
their ideas, but because of the silence and lack of support from those that
claim to love them and those that know the worth of their beautiful ideas."
Appreciation is an art, which requires acts. It means it can be
learnt and it takes selflessness to come by.
Like I said, God is only moved by appreciation. John 3: 16
stated that God loves the world and gave his son, Jesus Christ, that whosoever
believes in him will not perish, but have eternal life. This verse of the Bible
made it clear God did not want anything thing in return from mankind more than
just demonstration/showing of their appreciation for the sacrifice of his son.
To “believe in” him is the only thing required and it is an act,
which shows appreciation of Jesus’ death.
How does to “believe in” mean an act (demonstration/showing) of
appreciation?
Going back to the definition of appreciation, which is, knowing
the true value, worth and weight of something or person. To believe that Jesus is the Son of God,
means you know his person, worth, and true value, but to “believing in”, which
entails accepting him as your lord and savior doing what he tells you to do, means
you show appreciate to his person and that’s the only act that makes sense.
Knowing the worth and true value of people or things, without
demonstrating/showing them is the same as ungratefulness.
The Jesus example tells that only demonstration/showing of
appreciation is all that God requires from mankind. This proves me right to
say, showing appreciation is the smartest way to live, as you can see, this
type of smartness earns you eternal life.
Coming back to the power of appreciation, which is revealed in
gratitude, it also works well to earn us good living here.
I can sight different examples and this will lead us to the
mutual benefits of appreciation.
If people know the great benefits attached to showing
appreciation, they will live their lives practicing the art of appreciation.
They will never miss any opportunity to show appreciation to God and to people
around them.
Coming back to practicing what I preach, sometimes people take
my appreciations of them for flattery, and feel I do too much, but they can’t
tell me to stop.
Though people might tell you not to bother when you show
appreciation to them, not doing so will make you an ingrate and a thief, who
came to steal from them.
While appreciation enhances the efforts of the receiver, it also
adds so much value to the giver.
When I got to Lagos some
years back, I prayed to God that I didn’t want to rent a room apartment as did
my uncle, whom I lived with then and many of my clans in Lagos.
How will this happen when I only earned N6000, barely enough for
my feeding and I still had to go to tertiary institution too? Well, I believed
God will answer my prayer, even though people around me believed it was an
unrealistic dream, but never knew how it will happen.
However, God was going to teach me a lesson that I am now
teaching the world. THE ART OF APPRECIATION.
Did you remember the poem I wrote for everyone working hard in
my church?
The General Overseer of my church also got his and that, with
other acts of appreciation answered that prayer which seemed impossible to
people.
I now live in a flat, not only that, I was also given an office
and several other things that makes my life quite easy. I also get paid, the
salary might not be as much as a man with big dreams like me would have
expected, but it is helping.
How did I become so close to the General Overseer as an ordinary
church member?
Was I actually smart?
I tell you, people in my church still ask these questions.
I showed sincere appreciation without thinking of any gain in
return, but when I needed help, the reciprocation to my acts of appreciation
were enough to answer the seemingly impossible prayer.
I did not just stop at that, though it enabled me to get my
G.O’s number, it led to another act of appreciation. I realized he’s quotable
and as big as the church is, no one quotes him.So having discovered he’s on
WhatsApp, I started quoting him and sending the quotes to him. That’s me taking
an initiative to show appreciation and that’s why I mentioned earlier that this
art is not for the mentally lazy ones. Most times, you have to take initiatives
to show sincere appreciation.
Other benefits of appreciating my G.O is the fact that he finds
it hard to blame me whenever I am wrong, he will rather keep quiet, whenever he
knows I am wrong or find a way to blame another person for the offence, but he
has a way of correcting me without offending me. What did I do right?
I don’t ever keep quiet to anything he does right and whenever I
mention his wrongs, he does not get annoyed.
If I could influence the decision of my G.O with sincere
appreciation and with that, determines his decisions and even his sermons, am I
not the most influential person in my church?
Does that make me a smart dude? That’s the power and benefit of
appreciation.
If you want to live a smart life, start appreciating people, but
must appeal to you to start with God. Everything I have that people see as
strong points are as a result of showing appreciation to God and to people
around me. So if you want to be as smart as I am or even smarter, you have to
do the same and even do more. THE ART OF APPRECIATION is the key.
EDITOR:
Eneji Stephen Toluwalashe (Soul’e Rhymez)
CORRESPONDENTS:
Samuel Abigail
Ambassador Mary
Decent Google
Abidoye Samuel
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