COHABITING; THE FAST GROWING TREND
(An Online Discourse on SRAF)
INTRODUCTION AND DEFINITIONS
SOUL'E RHYMEZ: Good evening Great People, this is the time we have all been waiting for.
The topic for tonight's discourse is “COHABITING: THE FAST GROWING TREND” but First of all, let me ask you, what do you understand by cohabiting?
MARION: Residing with each other as if you are married.
TOJU KOFI: Cohabitation can also mean Marriage rehearsal.
An emotional and physical intimate relationship, which includes a common living place and which exists without legal or religion sanction; the act of living together between a man and a woman
VICTORIA K: A living arrangement in which an unmarried couple lives together.
VICTORIA INCE: Cohabit -Living together as if married without legally being married. To be intimately involved with a person who is not your spouse while sharing or living together.
REASONS FOR COHABITATION
~LEO: Cohabitation prepares one for the main deal; marriage. By cohabitating, you get to know what to expect in marriage, you get to know if he/she is d right person, if you can build a home with the person. However, some people do it just to satisfy their sexual urges.
VICTORIA INCE: You have the option of learning your partner without the vows.
MARION: Due to they've fall in love deeply with each other, lack of counsel lastly lust.
VICTORIA INCE: Selfish desires- persons may find a million reasons to cohabit. My take is, if you love me and we understand each other...Let’s get married. (No ring nothing…something my grandmother always says)
TOBILOBA: Cohabitation can be viewed as the living together of unmarried peeps in which they get marital rights.
REACTIONS
VICTORIA INCE: You have to respect me to love me. Living together is not respecting me.
~LEO: Not living together does not also mean I respect you or makes me respect you.
I love you and ask you to move in with me. It is your choice.
VICTORIA INCE: A woman who is sensible and knows her values will not. A man who respects his woman will never think of such a thought. If you want her to share your bed, your house your meal your money; do it the right way. Be an example to others.
MAIB: Because your religion, morals and background don't preach it doesn't mean it's bad. If you say it’s because of satisfaction of sexual urges, then what about those having sex even when they don’t cohabit? (sege's tone).
VICTORIA INCE: From a woman's point of view, I respect me, you cannot cohabit with me. I know who I am: smart, beautiful, and intelligent. Let's get married. Real men get married....Real Cowards cohabit....just saying.
~LEO: What about real men who can’t afford to sponsor the wedding or pay the bride price?
VICTORIA INCE: @Leo, So spoil her for the guy who can afford her? It doesn't make sense.
You can't afford her? It's why I said above all, it’s a matter of respecting your partner.
BELLA: When you think you are old enough to get married, make the resources needed available.
DISADVANTAGES OF COHABITING
VICTORIA INCE: Cohabitation spoils the matrimonial home. In my opinion there is no sacred bond attached there. That allows a couple to stay and fix things. There is always the option of walking away.
~LEO: Moral decadence, Children born out of wedlock.
MARION: It could lead to frustration whereby the couple might have given birth to two or more children before they discover they can't marry each other.
TOBILOBA: Cohabitation reduces self worth. It is so bad for men, worse for ladies and horrible for the children given birth to in such union.
How do you feel to be an acting wife or acting husband? This sounds rather horrible.
Both parties will eventually get tired of each other especially on the lady's part. Cohabitation can lead to bringing disgrace to one's family. It could lead unwanted pregnancies and this could also lead to several abortions.
How many children do you think God has destined you to have that we have to abort the ones we have?
Moreover, your acting husband will advise you to go for an abortion because you both aren't ready. Later on, he will be the one to call you several names and say he can't marry you.
Also, being engaged doesn't make you married. The fact he put a ring on you doesn't mean he has to enjoy all marital rights. Not all engagement leads to marriage.
JOHN TERI: The disadvantages are: people take you to be a sinner, and people judge your motives wrongly.
VICTORIA INCE: Cohabitation takes away the joy of sharing a marital home with your spouse. There are more disadvantages than advantages. Consider the risks.
If a woman is good enough to live with; let it be that she is totally yours legally. Marriage is honourable and the bed undefiled.
MODERATOR’S COMMENTARY AND CONCLUSION
SOUL'E RHYMEZ: Much has been said and in these are great points that we all can hold on to. I believe you will want to know my view on this.
Let's weigh the advantages and the disadvantages and make our choices.
First of all, how do we know people are only cohabiting couples? Because they live together? Because we didn't hear about their wedding? Is it actually a sin?
When does a male and female deciding to live together become offense? What makes it an offense or a sin?
If we care to answer these questions, we will be drawn in to the definition of marriage.
But whatsoever the definition of marriage is, let us understand it is and it is supposed to be a decision between two people.
If marriage is a decision between two people to live together and and we say cohabiting is wrong, then, it means there is more to marriage, which is wedding; letting people know you are married. How important is wedding in marriage? Is there marriage without wedding? If there is marriage without wedding, then, cohabiting is not wrong, but if there is no marriage without wedding, then cohabiting is wrong.
This leads us to the definition of wedding. What's wedding and what's its significance in marriage?
According to English Dictionary, Wedding is Marriage ceremony; ritual officially celebrating the beginning of a marriage. However, can't people begin their marriages without the ceremony, ritual or whatever wedding is called?
If they can, then, we have to know that not all the people we think cohabit, actually does so, some of them are married. Wedding is a mark of the beginning of marriage, but a lot of marriages have begun before wedding. Is that true? Does this make cohabiting right or wrong? It is based on individual conviction and perspective.
Should Cohabiting be encouraged? NO!
Cohabiting most times involves victors and victims and for a lot of reasons, it detrimental to the victims, who are mostly women. It is not a must to wed in the most elaborate manner, but your marriage should at least be legally recognized. I prescribe court solemnization of marriages. If after that, you decide to live together and people still call it cohabiting, you would have been very sure you are not on the losing side.
Except based on mutual consent and trust, to live together as couples, without plans to marry, with willingness to face whatever happens in the long run, it is very stupid to cohabit with a member of the opposite sex. It is very dangerous too.
Is cohabiting a sin?
Well, since sin is primarily against God, that cohabiting is a sin depends on different religion's perspectives. For me, it is detrimental, but not a sin. Remember, sin is primarily against God and by cohabiting, you aren't doing God any harm, but yourself.
This might be hard to take for the religious minds, but for more understanding, I will like you to log on to: soulerhymez.blogspot.com and read an essay titled “ORIGIN AND CONCEPT OF SIN”. This will help you to know what sin is and what it is not.
Cohabiting, just like marriage at times, imprisons people. It cripples creativity and even draws them away from God, but this depends on who you are in a relationship with, your priority and the standard you set for your relationship. I believe everyone cohabiting have a reason or two for doing so. If you believe it is a sin to God, tell them, make them reason with you, but not without praying for them and showing them love first.
CONCLUSION
Personally, I will leave anyone to make their choices, but I will like you to make the best choice. Marry, don't cohabit. You don't have to celebrate it, it is a decision between you and your partner, but make sure you respect the union and you are protected.
The protection many be legal protection or family awareness. Engagement can start marriage; wedding is just a ritual, not a necessity. Marry, if you can, don't wait for wedding.
Well, this is where I draw the curtains tonight.
If you have any question, please because of time, contact me privately on +2348163800077. THANKS for your participation.
Big thanks to Samuel Abigail, our able correspondent.
Editor:
Eneji Stephen Toluwalashe (Soul’e Rhymez)
Correspondent:
Samuel Abigail
INTRODUCTION AND DEFINITIONS
SOUL'E RHYMEZ: Good evening Great People, this is the time we have all been waiting for.
The topic for tonight's discourse is “COHABITING: THE FAST GROWING TREND” but First of all, let me ask you, what do you understand by cohabiting?
MARION: Residing with each other as if you are married.
TOJU KOFI: Cohabitation can also mean Marriage rehearsal.
An emotional and physical intimate relationship, which includes a common living place and which exists without legal or religion sanction; the act of living together between a man and a woman
VICTORIA K: A living arrangement in which an unmarried couple lives together.
VICTORIA INCE: Cohabit -Living together as if married without legally being married. To be intimately involved with a person who is not your spouse while sharing or living together.
REASONS FOR COHABITATION
~LEO: Cohabitation prepares one for the main deal; marriage. By cohabitating, you get to know what to expect in marriage, you get to know if he/she is d right person, if you can build a home with the person. However, some people do it just to satisfy their sexual urges.
VICTORIA INCE: You have the option of learning your partner without the vows.
MARION: Due to they've fall in love deeply with each other, lack of counsel lastly lust.
VICTORIA INCE: Selfish desires- persons may find a million reasons to cohabit. My take is, if you love me and we understand each other...Let’s get married. (No ring nothing…something my grandmother always says)
TOBILOBA: Cohabitation can be viewed as the living together of unmarried peeps in which they get marital rights.
REACTIONS
VICTORIA INCE: You have to respect me to love me. Living together is not respecting me.
~LEO: Not living together does not also mean I respect you or makes me respect you.
I love you and ask you to move in with me. It is your choice.
VICTORIA INCE: A woman who is sensible and knows her values will not. A man who respects his woman will never think of such a thought. If you want her to share your bed, your house your meal your money; do it the right way. Be an example to others.
MAIB: Because your religion, morals and background don't preach it doesn't mean it's bad. If you say it’s because of satisfaction of sexual urges, then what about those having sex even when they don’t cohabit? (sege's tone).
VICTORIA INCE: From a woman's point of view, I respect me, you cannot cohabit with me. I know who I am: smart, beautiful, and intelligent. Let's get married. Real men get married....Real Cowards cohabit....just saying.
~LEO: What about real men who can’t afford to sponsor the wedding or pay the bride price?
VICTORIA INCE: @Leo, So spoil her for the guy who can afford her? It doesn't make sense.
You can't afford her? It's why I said above all, it’s a matter of respecting your partner.
BELLA: When you think you are old enough to get married, make the resources needed available.
DISADVANTAGES OF COHABITING
VICTORIA INCE: Cohabitation spoils the matrimonial home. In my opinion there is no sacred bond attached there. That allows a couple to stay and fix things. There is always the option of walking away.
~LEO: Moral decadence, Children born out of wedlock.
MARION: It could lead to frustration whereby the couple might have given birth to two or more children before they discover they can't marry each other.
TOBILOBA: Cohabitation reduces self worth. It is so bad for men, worse for ladies and horrible for the children given birth to in such union.
How do you feel to be an acting wife or acting husband? This sounds rather horrible.
Both parties will eventually get tired of each other especially on the lady's part. Cohabitation can lead to bringing disgrace to one's family. It could lead unwanted pregnancies and this could also lead to several abortions.
How many children do you think God has destined you to have that we have to abort the ones we have?
Moreover, your acting husband will advise you to go for an abortion because you both aren't ready. Later on, he will be the one to call you several names and say he can't marry you.
Also, being engaged doesn't make you married. The fact he put a ring on you doesn't mean he has to enjoy all marital rights. Not all engagement leads to marriage.
JOHN TERI: The disadvantages are: people take you to be a sinner, and people judge your motives wrongly.
VICTORIA INCE: Cohabitation takes away the joy of sharing a marital home with your spouse. There are more disadvantages than advantages. Consider the risks.
If a woman is good enough to live with; let it be that she is totally yours legally. Marriage is honourable and the bed undefiled.
MODERATOR’S COMMENTARY AND CONCLUSION
SOUL'E RHYMEZ: Much has been said and in these are great points that we all can hold on to. I believe you will want to know my view on this.
Let's weigh the advantages and the disadvantages and make our choices.
First of all, how do we know people are only cohabiting couples? Because they live together? Because we didn't hear about their wedding? Is it actually a sin?
When does a male and female deciding to live together become offense? What makes it an offense or a sin?
If we care to answer these questions, we will be drawn in to the definition of marriage.
But whatsoever the definition of marriage is, let us understand it is and it is supposed to be a decision between two people.
If marriage is a decision between two people to live together and and we say cohabiting is wrong, then, it means there is more to marriage, which is wedding; letting people know you are married. How important is wedding in marriage? Is there marriage without wedding? If there is marriage without wedding, then, cohabiting is not wrong, but if there is no marriage without wedding, then cohabiting is wrong.
This leads us to the definition of wedding. What's wedding and what's its significance in marriage?
According to English Dictionary, Wedding is Marriage ceremony; ritual officially celebrating the beginning of a marriage. However, can't people begin their marriages without the ceremony, ritual or whatever wedding is called?
If they can, then, we have to know that not all the people we think cohabit, actually does so, some of them are married. Wedding is a mark of the beginning of marriage, but a lot of marriages have begun before wedding. Is that true? Does this make cohabiting right or wrong? It is based on individual conviction and perspective.
Should Cohabiting be encouraged? NO!
Cohabiting most times involves victors and victims and for a lot of reasons, it detrimental to the victims, who are mostly women. It is not a must to wed in the most elaborate manner, but your marriage should at least be legally recognized. I prescribe court solemnization of marriages. If after that, you decide to live together and people still call it cohabiting, you would have been very sure you are not on the losing side.
Except based on mutual consent and trust, to live together as couples, without plans to marry, with willingness to face whatever happens in the long run, it is very stupid to cohabit with a member of the opposite sex. It is very dangerous too.
Is cohabiting a sin?
Well, since sin is primarily against God, that cohabiting is a sin depends on different religion's perspectives. For me, it is detrimental, but not a sin. Remember, sin is primarily against God and by cohabiting, you aren't doing God any harm, but yourself.
This might be hard to take for the religious minds, but for more understanding, I will like you to log on to: soulerhymez.blogspot.com and read an essay titled “ORIGIN AND CONCEPT OF SIN”. This will help you to know what sin is and what it is not.
Cohabiting, just like marriage at times, imprisons people. It cripples creativity and even draws them away from God, but this depends on who you are in a relationship with, your priority and the standard you set for your relationship. I believe everyone cohabiting have a reason or two for doing so. If you believe it is a sin to God, tell them, make them reason with you, but not without praying for them and showing them love first.
CONCLUSION
Personally, I will leave anyone to make their choices, but I will like you to make the best choice. Marry, don't cohabit. You don't have to celebrate it, it is a decision between you and your partner, but make sure you respect the union and you are protected.
The protection many be legal protection or family awareness. Engagement can start marriage; wedding is just a ritual, not a necessity. Marry, if you can, don't wait for wedding.
Well, this is where I draw the curtains tonight.
If you have any question, please because of time, contact me privately on +2348163800077. THANKS for your participation.
Big thanks to Samuel Abigail, our able correspondent.
Editor:
Eneji Stephen Toluwalashe (Soul’e Rhymez)
Correspondent:
Samuel Abigail
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